Green Eggs and Ham

I take WAY too many pictures of my dog.

2012-01-04T16:38:00.001-08:00

It's kind of getting ridiculous. But she's so cute! I can't help myself.

The last one is my favorite. I push her pillow under the bed during the day and it apparently didn't faze her that I hadn't pulled it out for her yet.

Project Piano 2011

2011-11-30T13:51:00.000-08:00

Project Piano 2011: One Piano's Journey from Drab to Fab

So the other night I was playing the piano--which I do often, at least an hour a day and sometimes more and then I'll play it again later, and well, anyway--I was playing the piano and I had an epiphany! I wanted to paint it. The poor thing was an ugly white with bits of old gloss over it that had turned yellow. A long time ago I tried to peel off as much yellow as I could, but some stayed. Anyway, I chose red as the new color, because I wanted something that would stand out and be bold without being outrageous (my brother-in-law suggested lime green). Plus I love red. And if you were wondering if I had "painting the roses red" stuck in my head the whole time, the answer is yes. That and whatever that song is called that at one point says "hot an' fresh out the kitchen." So here's the before:

My dad and I went to Lowes to pick out the red that I wanted, and while we were there he said, "If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right." And I was all, yeah okay, paint the piano correctly--gotcha. But he should have said, "I hope you realize that you can not just take a paint brush to the thing right away." To which I would have said, "Why father that's exactly what I thought I could do."

So I went home and sanded. And sanded some more. And at first I just thought we needed to sand it until it was smooth. Not the case. We needed to sand it until the freaking paint came off. But after about an hour and a half of sanding, I'd barely broken through the paint, as you can see above.
Then my dad and I had to wheel the piano to the back porch so we could cover it in paint stripper. First, of course, we took the lid off and a few other bits so it would be easier. The picture above is where I thought we were stopping. But then my dad took off one of the keys and said, "hmm." And I said, "Put that thought back in your head." And he laughed and said, "Oh ye of little faith." And off came the keys, one by one. It hurt my stomach a little at first, but it really did make things easier.
Still taking it apart above... box of keys below...
And, finally, naked as the day it was born. Er, well, it was as taken apart as it was ever gonna be:
So this is where my dad deserves some major kudos, because while I helped put the paint stripper on, he did all the hard stuff, like taking his dry wall knife and scrapping every inch of the piano. Some of the smaller pieces we ran through the machine below, which is called a planer (or as I like to call it, the magic paint-removing machine). It strips off just a tiny bit off the top of the wood, removing its finish.
After we got off as much of the paint as we could, we rubbed the piano down in "mineral spirits" to "neutralize the stripper." bahaha. Neutralize the stripper. Anyway, I'm not actually this savvy with this kind of stuff, these are all my dad's words. After that we sanded and sanded and sanded and I learned that if you must move your leg while you're sanding, remember that you are holding a power tool, and that if the sander touches your leg, it will hurt and leave a nice burn. So anyway, after this I was like canwepaintityet? canwepaintityet? canwepaintityet?
The answer was no, we could not. After it had been sanded and I thought we were FINALLY ready to paint, my dad said we needed to take the finer sander and make it all nice and smooth. Well, even smoother. So I was like AND THEN CAN WE PAINT IT?
No. As you can see above, after it was sanded, my dad covered it with a sealer, which also needed some touch-up sanding. And then I said, "NOW can we paint it red?"
Well, I couldn't paint it red yet, but we brought it inside to get ready to paint. I vacuumed it out and cleaned out all the dust from the little pads that the keys sat on. Dad put a couple of the front pieces back together, and he showed me how to paint and I did it. First it had to be painted in a tinted primer so that the dark color would look good, and that's why it's pink:
Then I had to take this sponge-looking sander thing, and make the primer smooth. Then I had to prime it again.
Then, FINALLY, I could paint it red. Twice.
Then I spent two and a half hours cleaning every single key and carefully putting them all back together:
And then my dad put it all back together for me and I played it after about a week of not being able to! Seriously, this process had me going through some serious piano withdrawals. I don't know how I made it in college with only the occasional trip to campus to play.

And there you have it! I was impatient to get it done at first, but the sanding and the cleaning and the whole process was worth it. It looks so good! And because we did it correctly, it will continue to look good in the long run. If we had done it my way, the paint would have peeled off. And you know what I realized this is? A freaking good object lesson for trusting in the Lord during trials that you may not understand, that's what. You are welcome to use my piano story for a talk, if you like. hahaha. No seriously.

Also, my dad was awesome, as always, through the whole thing. He knew what we would have to do from the beginning, and he still said I could paint it, and he helped me through the whole thing. So thanks, Dad!

A question for you.

2011-09-17T22:41:00.000-07:00

Is something really "jimmered" if Jimmer isn't actually present for the jimmering? Doesn't Jimmer have to be involved in order for the potential victim of said jimmering to be jimmered?

And is this sounding dirty to anybody else?

When someone says something like, "I got jimmered by my car" I hear, "Jimmer Fredette took time off from his awesome life and hot cheerleader fiance to lock my keys in my car. Man that guy is frickin SICK."

What I DO understand is "SDSU just got jimmered." Because that translates into "Jimmer pulled out some freaking sweet moves in that basketball game against SDSU, who LOST, btw."

I know. I'm picky.

A few random things

2011-08-16T20:21:00.000-07:00

First of all, greetings from Texas, my small band of blog followers! It's good/scary to be home and graduated. I just have a few random pictures to share.

So a long time ago I wrote a book. Even though it needs to be rewritten (again), I got it bound so that I could have a book-ish copy. I designed the cover and layout and it was really fun. I also have another book (that I don't have a picture of) of other stuff I've written, like short stories and poetry. It was really fun to design.

I just packed up and left the room I've lived in for two years. I loved this room. It was ALMOST worth the ridiculous rent I paid while I lived there.

I have always wanted to try henna! And my friend Beth (whose foot you see in the first picture) is REALLY good at it! She free-handed this! The first is the henna before I picked the ink-ish stuff off. Isn't Beth ridiculously talented! I find myself staring at my hand. I think it's really awesome.

I MISS THIS GIRL. My roommie/close friend/chit chat and TV and work buddy. I tried to convince her to come to Texas with me, but no such luck. (yes, she was typing her paper with her face on the floor.)

Facebook Irony

2011-07-24T14:45:00.001-07:00

I got on facebook this morning and found these right next to each other. I definitely laughed out loud. Names and faces have been blotted out to protect the innocent. And the...not so innocent.

I pass no judgment on either party, I just think it's hilarious that they were next to each other.

20 Little Poetry Projects

2011-06-28T18:59:00.000-07:00

This was fun. For my poetry class we had to write a poem by doing what our assignment sheet told us to do, line by line. For example there was "say something in another language," "contradict something you said earlier," "use a slang word," "make an inanimate object do something," etc. So basically it's complete nonsense, but it reads just like a poem. Here's how mine turned out.

Wednesdays are shampoo in my eye.
They spy on me when I sleep.
They breathe ice down my collar
And whisper dead words that echo around in my pillow case—
My dreams burn with cologne, scorching my eyelids—
When I wake, pomegranate juice stings my tongue,
And blue eyes watch me up and dress;
The gaze scratches at my skin if my thoughts crawl somewhere else.
Shayna May Trolt, limited by the Rio Grande, takes pen to paper every six weeks—
Those weeks Wednesdays are actually just water.
Water drips on colored apples, stacked together
On catawampus crates that smell of rotten wood,
Because customers think cashiers are robots.
It is a totally legitimate rule of Shotgun
That if no one makes a move you have to wait two more turns.
The level juggernaut of hesitance smashed sounds into guesses,
So we wrapped ourselves in hot wool to ease the itches.
I shrink myself small enough to fly in envelopes,
And then the bean pole crosses her fingers.
Maybe I will return to the rim of mountains,
But probably not until the square moon finds its way into the sky;
Only then will I sleep backwards and love.
Die Kuh springt über den Mond—
Calendars will stop screaming,
Televisions will start smiling,
And Wednesdays, well—
Wednesdays will melt chocolate over everything.

The Common Sense Test (you'll feel so smart)

2011-06-21T00:18:00.000-07:00

If you think "WELL DUH, SAM" to all of these, congratulations!!! You have common sense!

(No, these things don't occur to everybody. I'm not exaggerating here.)

(Mmhmm, mmhmm. More cashier angst. Have a good laugh at the crazies with me.)

This is dedicated to all the cashiers in the world that can't complain about these things because others think they are rude, even though they reeeeally have to be a cashier to understand.

1. The belt moves.
2. I can't take your money when I'm holding a watermelon. Or a case of water. Or anything that requires both my hands.
3. The in-ad coupon is in the ad.
4. The total is more than what the shelf says because there is tax.
5. We don't have Hefty's number.
6. Did I mention the belt moves?
7. "Swipe card again" means that you need to swipe your card again.
8. When my light is on my lane is open.
9. The number I tell you isn't arbitrary--it's your total.
10. You can't get cash back on credit.
11. YOU CAN NOT GET CASH BACK ON CREDIT!!!
12. I can't ring up the item unless you give it to me.
13. After you've paid for your groceries, take them with you.
14. It's not your turn until the person in front of you has paid.
15. Handing me the money first (before I've rung anything up) is utterly useless.
16. The belt...MOVES.
17. It's not my responsibility to remember your pin number.
18. I literally can not read your mind.
19. "Do you want cash back?" is not a rhetorical question.
21. "Insufficient funds" means that the funds on your card are...insufficient. ERGO...pay with something else.
22. There is no need to put the separater bar in front of your groceries if you are the only one in line.
23. Because I'll just have to move it back as soon as you lay it down, you see.
24. Coke is a Coke product. And Pepsi...is a Pepsi product.
25. Employees tend to get irritated when they are asked questions when they're in the breakroom eating. Or if they are off the clock, shopping in street clothes.
26. You have to stand in line even if you only have a few items.
27. You can't pick up your prescription if the pharmacy is closed.
28. Repeating Spanish phrases to me doesn't make them any more English.
29. The backroom isn't a magical fairy land that produces the item you're looking for. And my drawer isn't a magical fairy drawer--I'm talking to you EBT Cash! I can't give you $200 in fives!

30. I'm better at my job than you are.
True story (WIC customer):

Me: "Go ahead and sign right in the box."
Lady: "You haven't written the total in yet. Do you want me to do it?"
Me: "Oh, it hasn't taken the tax off yet, so I'll write it in then."
Lady: "But I'm not supposed to sign it until after you've written in the total."
Me: "Well, you have my permission to sign it, and then I will write in the total."
Lady: "I'm just doing what I'm told. Here, I'll wait."

And last, but certainly not least...

31. The computer is better at math than you are.
(This happened yesterday. It's close to my last day so you'll notice I wasn't being very polite.)

Me: "Your total is $42.07."
Lady: "Really?"
Me: "Really."
Lady: "No, really."
Me: "Seriously."
Lady: "No, that's wrong. I added it up very carefully."
*So I scroll through each item to check the prices, which are all correct*
Lady: "Well something's wrong, because look, watch: this is $1.50, this is $2, so that's $3.50 so far--"
Me: "Well, see, that's why I have a computer. It does the math for me."
Lady: "But I did my math very carefully."
Me: "Well, the computer did it even more carefully. Because it's a computer."
Lady: "Well then ring it all back up again."

BUT I HAVE AWESOME CO-WORKERS THAT I WILL MISS DEARLY.

Hey, look what I made!

2011-06-12T21:42:00.000-07:00

So this first one is, as you can see, a Texas flag. I hand-stitched it out of old T-shirts. I did this instead of homework. Yes.This is a book! A book that my friend and I made for our editing capstone class! (The title seems like a cop-out, but just trust me, it fits.) We had to edit four articles, write a chapter of our own, write a preface and index, design the pages and the cover...basically it was a spring term's worth of hard work. And now it's printed and ready to turn in! It makes me happy.

You know what's amazing?

2011-06-08T23:53:00.001-07:00

Submitting your first complete short story in your Writing Fiction class and hearing these things during a conference with your experienced professor:

"Well done. A moving and nicely styled story with convincing dialogue and solid characterization."
"You're a very talented writer. This was written on the level of professionals. People that read this, even if they think it's not the best story ever written, will know that it's written by a writer who knows what she's doing."
"You've got a great feel for fiction. Great descriptions, great sentence combinations."
"Lively, credible dialogue that defines character quite well."
"Convincing dialogue and solid characterization."
"Excellent. Very smooth and engaging scene."
"You're definitely heading towards an A."
"I hope you will continue to write outside of class and after school."

PSCH of course!

Okay, so you wouldn't know it from my blog, but I've got skillzzz.
So high on life right now. (Until I have to wake up early.)

Music

2011-05-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

So once upon a time in London town, I roomed with the amazing Cat. While we were talking, getting to know each other, she asked me what kind of music I liked. Now, you should know something about Cat. She LOVES music. And she listens to so many different kinds and people and such. I don't think I knew this at the time, but I know that I thought she was really cool, and I didn't want to let her down, so I was just kinda like, "Oh, you know. The good stuff." And I then proceeded to name the least lame bands I could think of, and even then they were still lame.

THEN my friend Paul, also a fan of good music (he has like a month's worth on his iTunes...I have like 3 days), let me borrow a lot of his stuff. He says I've only borrowed about 5% of what he has from him. But it has opened my eyes! You mean there's more than just what's on the radio?! YES!

Here's a list of my new stuff, courtesy of Paul:

Beth Rowley
The Black Keys
Blink-182
Brand New
Coldplay
Collective Soul
Counting Crows
Dan Auerbach
Dashboard Confessional
Death Cab for Cutie
Dire Straights
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
Eurythmics
Florence and The Machine
Foo Fighters
Fountains of Wayne
The Fray
Guster
Jack's Mannequin
Jimmy Eat World
The Killers
Kings of Leon
Liam Finn
Lisa Hannigan
Loreena McKennitt
Mark Knopfler & Emmylou Harris
Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
Melody Gardot
Men at Work
Motion City Soundtrack (love)
Mumford and Sons (LOVE even more)
Old Crow Medicine Show
OneRepublic
Phil Collins
The Postal Service (another favorite)
Queen
Radical Face
The Ramones
Red Hot Chile Peppers
Regina Spektor
Relient K
Sara Bareilles (another favorite)
The Shins
Snow Patrol
Something Corporate
Straylight Run (fav)
Travis

We're already working on another list of stuff to give me. YAY for new music! And Cat, I hope you approve :) If you have more suggestions, I'll ask my friend if he's got it!

The Girl Who Shook the Apple Tree

2011-05-20T00:56:00.000-07:00

I'm blogging. It's 2am and all I can think about is my bed, but I am blogging.
What keeps me from sleep, you ask?
Change.
Not the fear of it. The NEED for it.
The truth is, I've been in denial for a while.
I love this, I think.
I love getting up early,
going to school,
going to work,
watching TV,
going to bed,
and doing it all over again.
And I especially love when I have a day off work and I can get things done, like cleaning my apartment or catching up on homework. I LOVE it.
LOVE IT I TELL YOU.
And while I really do live a really great life, I AM GOING CRAZY.

Some people get into their routines and they feel safe. I know people that stress and stress over the TINIEST change. And that's perfectly normal. I get it. Change is scary.
But oh how I want it!

Just less than three more months, and I won't live in Utah. I won't have the job I have now. I won't see the same people every day. I won't be in school.
Clean slate enough for ya, Sam?

I am truly sad to be leaving it all behind. But just as I was anxious to get myself out of Magnolia, TX 4 years ago simply because there was nothing left there for me to do, Provo and me? We've had our run.

Let the countdown begin.

I don't know if you've noticed....

2011-05-16T19:46:00.001-07:00

...but for a long time now I've just been pretending to post.
This one is no exception.

Allen's Wars

2011-05-07T12:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes working in a position where you're highly underpaid and overqualified until you're out of college is REALLY hard.

And other times, the people you work with make it totally worth it.

Happy Birthday, Mama!

2011-04-28T12:57:00.000-07:00

Have you met my Mama?'Caaauuuseee she's pretty much a gangster.

She's also:
Kind
Charitable
Sweet
Sacrificing
Endearing
Funny
Beautiful
Crazy
Hard-working
Loving
AWESOME
Giving
Willing
Strong
Brave
Inspirational
MINE

I love you, Mom! I hope your birthday is the best one yet!

Things that suck when you're tired.

2011-04-13T12:59:00.000-07:00

Lifting gallons of milk over your scanner and unto the counter behind you.
Flipping your hair over to wrap a towel around your head.
Washing your face before bed.
Having to pee at 3 in the morning.
Reading. Of any kind.
Writing a research paper that you thought was due today but since you missed class on Monday you missed the memo that it got pushed back until next week so you got a lot less sleep than you wanted.

Phew.
Also, getting dressed.

Jimmy Fallon makes everything better.

2011-04-08T18:45:00.001-07:00

(who knows how long this video will be available, though)

Just go with it.

2011-04-04T21:18:00.000-07:00

I'm going to share with you a comment I got from my TA on my 500-word article about the Globe/Romeo and Juliet, and you're all going to agree with me in thinking that it's rude so that I can feel good about myself. Ready?

"I felt like I was reading your version of Shakespeare in Love where everyone randomly starts weeping. Cliche reaction."

Why is it that TAs think that just because they took the class a SEMESTER before you that they are suddenly professor in all things editing?

Really, what makes this so rude to me is that we had to submit an article to group members to edit--the grade was in the editing, not the actual article (which I wrote like 2 years ago).

Yeah, I agree it was a sappy article, but she could have just left a comment like, "This is leaning towards cheesy; try re-wording to give it something new."

I know the world isn't full of rainbows and butterflies, Miss TA, but your comment wasn't even close to constructive criticism. It was simply putting me down. And it really made me feel like less of an author. Do you really think that's how your authors in the future want to be talked to? With your condescending tone?

How rude.

COMIC SANS WILL BE OVER HERE

2011-03-31T22:14:00.000-07:00

So, my computer-literate friends will be proud of me.

I know how to use InDesign! And Photoshop!

Wooooo I am actually way excited that I know these programs. I spend time by choice in the mac lab working on stuff. And I wish I had the programs on my computer (but then I would never leave my room).

And these videos are even MORE funny to me now! (I'm sure you've seen them before.) I mean, it's funny if you don't work with fonts often, but when you actually understand how they're used in design (and I have now heard of ALL these fonts), it's even better!

I couldn't embed the videos, but that shouldn't discourage you from partaking of their funniness.

Fonts Conference

Font Fight

I feel so in-the-know even though I only know these two programs, and even then I still have a lot to learn.

Post #101!!!

2011-03-31T13:01:00.000-07:00

I get to see Charlie in 17 days!
And my parents in 21!
Yay!

THINK.

2011-03-30T23:35:00.001-07:00

"I hear Mormons are judgmental."

You know what you just did?

Judged me.

Do you ever have these problems?

2011-03-28T20:28:00.001-07:00

Or is that just me?

Inanimate objects can be sassy, too.

2011-03-19T23:10:00.000-07:00

I was betrayed by my own journal this week.

Yeah. Betrayed.On the front cover it says:

"In the time of your life, Live."
~William Shakespeare

And of course, as a Shakespeare devotee and all-around fan, I may not always question inspirational quotes that are attributed to him.

So when our group decided to use a Shakespeare quote on something we're designing, I looked up this quote, just to make sure it really was Shakespeare.

Not so, my small band of followers. 'Tis by a man named William Saroyan.

So now when someone sees the cover of my journal, I have to be all, "Oh yeah, that is totally, totally Shakespeare."

It's got a pretty picture of a tree, though.

I'm gettin' too old for this.

2011-03-16T22:30:00.000-07:00

Take a good look at this poster. I have never hated something so much and been equally as proud. P.S. This picture happened because when I was in the computer lab I read on blackboard that we had to have an electronic file/picture too. So I went in the hallway, threw it on the floor and used my phone. Viola.

It turned out pretty much exactly how I pictured it in my head, only there was one difference: in my head it took 2, maybe 3 hours.

Try 8 1/2.

And I sat down to work on it at midnight.

I go to bed at about 2 every night anyway, so I figured it would just be same old, same old.

Negative!

We could have designed one in InDesign and printed it off, but not only did that cost everybody else in the class about $30, I had the sincere desire to go old school.

This was my honest-to-goodness mental process:

12:00 am: Oooo I get to make a poster! I haven't made many of these in my college career! Yay for construction paper and glue!

2:00 am: Odd. I'm not even halfway through this thing. I'm sure once I get the middle quote in place it will go faster. (The middle quote isn't marker; it's cut-out construction paper. Yeah.)

3:00 am: That's fine. I don't mind going to bed at 4. Let's do this thing.

4:30 am: I am a freaking college student! WHY AM I MAKING A POSTER?!?! ARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

4:32 am: Do pull quotes even count as an aspect of design like she wanted? Oh well.

4:45 am: Silence. I am lying on my back in the middle of the floor.

5:00 am: GAH I'm just going to glue arbitrarily! I don't even care anymore!

5:02 am: ARGH Yes I do! I care so much! Why am I such a perfectionist?!?!

5:30 am: I suppose I could go to the Temple if I wanted to, now that it's open. Maybe it will make me less angry.

5:45 am: Peripheral vision...failing...must...finish...

6:00 am: HA HA, loud trash truck! I'm already awake! I win!

6:30 am: If I were a missionary....

6:45 am: No, computer, don't restart, don't restart! I NEED MY MUSIC!

7:00 ish: Oh good, Grace is up. Maybe she can shoot me in the face.

7:30 am: I need white-out. Maybe I can drive to Smith's? Right, because driving would be a good idea (cue hysterical chuckle).

7:34 am: So many colors...TOO many colors...woahh look at the colorsss

8:00 am: Realization that I have other unfinished homework due. Fan-tastic. Fight the urge to rip up the poster.

8:32 am: Poster finished. Nap through first two classes.

Wake up 4 hours later with swollen eyes and pounding head. Get to class and see that I am the only one who went old school, but I also hear everyone complaining about how much they spent on printing. Suckahs.

And then after a fit of incoherency with my group in my last class, I came home to a ray of sunshine in the form of a letter and then crashed into my beautiful, beautiful bed.

And there you have it.

My last all-nighter was much more enjoyable, and I didn't even take a nap. But that was also with my best friend Kristen and I wasn't doing homework. I think I'm just too old for it now. And now I am going back to bed.

Goodnight.

Because blogs are a more constructive outlet than keying someone's car is.

2011-03-13T21:25:00.001-07:00

Oh how I laughed

2011-03-10T23:43:00.003-08:00

I watched this about 8 times in a row. And laughed so hard every single time.
It's only 30 seconds! HIT PLAY!

Yessssss

2011-03-09T23:46:00.001-08:00

BEHOLD.

(But Sam, it's imdb; nothing is set in stone!)

Quiet.

So I'm like a Smallville SUPERFAN, right?
I've been watching the show since season one. And that was ten years ago. Now we are officially on the final season.

Once upon a time, this dude named Michael Rosenbaum left the show. Like three seasons ago or something.

And this was problematic for me because he was LEX LUTHER. We needed him!

And then his character died and that was even more problematic, but OH WAIT we found his clones and only one of them survived and now he is growing up REALLY FAST and we're working on a cure to make his aging process SLOW DOWN.

Then his dad was suddenly alive from a parallel universe. And then he suddenly had some of Clark's DNA and therefore has all the makings of a villan.

I have therefore been waiting--at every mention of Lex on the show--for Michael Rosenbaum to guest star. The plot was right, the show is finally ending...so I have been expecting it!

And it looks like it's happening!

YES I am WAY more excited about this than I should be!
But it's LATE. And even better, it's THURSDAY!

YAY Smallville!

Brandon Davies

2011-03-02T13:28:00.000-08:00

I'm happy to see that our religion and our school's values are respected. I'm just as disappointed to see Brandon Davies be suspended from playing as the next basketball fan, but you know what? When he came to BYU he knew what he was signing up for. And as disappointed as I am, I'm still 100% glad we have our honor code. It protects us and teaches us truly good principles. I guess that's my plug for the honor code--no, it's not unrealistic to abstain from alcohol, sex, and even offensive language. Because in Provo, UT alone, 35,000 students do it every single day.

Basketball Shrine

2011-02-27T20:31:00.000-08:00

So...I've been collecting pictures from the school newspaper and some papers from the breakroom at work, and it's gotten a little out of control.
In a really, really good way.

I flippin love my wall.

And ever since I posted about keeping my BYU Bball obsession a secret, I haven't really kept it a secret. And I really don't want to.

Haters gonna hate, you know?

I am so white.

Adisonisms Part II

2011-02-27T15:44:00.000-08:00

Ah the joys of having a missionary brother. Of course they have been edited so that you can READ THEM.

"Sam I am so freaking proud of you; not too many people have been able to accomplish in life, I mean for real how many people can get a bouncy ball from one side of a store to another without it hitting anything? Once in a lifetime stuff."

"That's awesome I love weddings (farting noise)."

"Well Sam, your stories are always awesome and stuff. haha but seriously keep me on the up and up."

"Tell him ojo chango. You know got to do the scary brother thing."

"For my birthday there was no cake, there was a chicken. I know I was pretty bummed myself. First birthday without a cake."

"Well good luck on your super hard week coming up. Stay cool like the other side of the pillow."

"What you going to do or i guess by the time you write back what did you do for your b day? i suggest something only 21 year olds can do. . . . well maybe not let's keep it clean and dry. well actually you only live once right. ah yea you're right better not but it could be fun don't do it. you know what you're old enough you choose. love ya homie g keep it fresh like the air freshener in the bathroom."

"books ah. who really needs them."

Popsicle

2011-02-25T00:34:00.001-08:00

It's 2 am. I'm "working on a paper."
And it's my daddy's birthday!!! And I have no problem sharing with the world that

HE IS 48... THAT'S ONLY 2 YEARS FROM 50.

You're welcome, Dad.

I could copy and paste the 47 things about him that I love and just add one more...

OR I could just remind him that I miss him with my whole heart and I love him even more than that and that I'm lucky and blessed to have him as a dad.

Happy Birthday, Vati. I love you! I hope your day is absolutely marvelous!

Valentine's Afterthought

2011-02-19T00:27:00.000-08:00

This made me laugh.

The Vicious Cycle

2011-02-12T22:07:00.000-08:00

First of all, "vicious" is a weird word, and--if stared at long enough--impossible to spell.

Geesh.

Anyway. I've come to a painful realization.

Have you ever really loved something before the population discovered it? And then once EVERYBODY has discovered it, you are looked down upon because you like it too, and you just want to say, "But--but--but I liked it a long time ago!!!"

Without looking it up: Kyle Collinsworth, Jackson Emery, Chris Collinsworth, and Brandon Davies. I love all of them just as much as I love Jimmer.

I. Love. BYU. Basketball.

But alas, now that word has gotten out that Jimmer Fredette is AMAZING, he's been Chuck Norris-ified (Superman wears Jimmer pajamas), stuck into scripture (and it came to pass that Jimmer...), and all but worshiped by half of BYU's campus.

And that's fine--I really think everything going on is hilarious. And I say keep on keepin' on. But I also hate being thought of as a lovesick groupie if I talk about it. I feel like defending myself when I see a facebook status that says "Enough with the Jimmer love already, WE GET IT!"

So even if it makes me a coward, I've chosen to keep my love for the team a secret.

You've done it again, general population.

These are the two best roommates ever and I in Vegas last March, there to see our boys play. (We didn't actually make it to the championship, I just wanted to show the world proof that I've been a fan for a long time.)

Sigh.

For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic

2011-01-28T13:15:00.001-08:00

I'm not actually a pessimist, that's just a song title.

But I think we can all agree that I've got mixed feelings about rainbows-coming-out-of-all-orifices kind of optimism. I don't know. I wrote a poem about it once.

I have a tendency to go on spiels, so I'm just going to get to the part where I write what I wanted to say when I started this blog. And that is that lately I've been doing some positive thinking. Because sometimes you just need it.

Don't believe me? Well, I'll show ya.

~I have an awesome room. It's a pricey apartment, but boy do I love having my own, spacious room with a window seat.
~I like my talents. I'm grateful to be good at some things.
~I like that I have a car.
~I live mere miles from a temple.
~I have lots of pairs of awesome shoes.
~I practically live across the street from campus.
~I actually like going to work because I have friends there (and hey, it pays the rent).
~I have real, true friends that listen.
~I like that chocolate milk was invented. I'm serious.
~My canopy makes me happy every time I go to bed at night (thanks, Dad).
~I like that I can sing. Singing is like flying; it's freeing.
~I like that I know a whole heck of a lot about language and grammar. Get to know your language--it's fun.
~I'm proud that I wrote a book, even though it needs a whole heck of a lot of work.
~Even though it ROYALLY SUCKS, I'm glad I work hard to get myself through college with minimal help from the family. My family is going to laugh at that.
~I like that my family laughs at/with each other. If one of us does something dumb, NO, the rest of us are NOT going to let it go. No matter how many years have passed. I thank Heavenly Father every single day for them.
~With my whole heart, I love living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm lucky to have it in my life. I thank Him every day for that, too.
~I love attending BYU. I like the classes I take, the professors I'm learning from, the friends I have in class, and the campus that I'm on every day. I also happen to enjoy an environment where nobody in class yells, "Let's bomb Utah and kill all the Mormons!" and then everybody in the room turns to look at me. (Yeah, true story. Ask me about it sometime.) Being the minority back home never really bothered me that much, but from time to time it can weigh on you. I don't have to deal with that here.
~I like owning a bazillion crayons and a bazillion things to color.
~iTunes is a happy thing, is it not?
~I have a really great mini-library started. I had a dream that my management took my bookcase with half my books on it and I was REALLY UPSET.
~I LOVE that this semester I only have class on MWF and that it starts at NOON.
~I have Tivo in my room! TIVOOOO!
~I like being tall. Oh yes I did.
~I have food, clothes, education, family, work, and friends. Life really isn't so bad, is it?

"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he as not, but rejoices for those which he has."
~Epictetus

"Regardless of our circumstances, each of us has much for which to be grateful if we will but pause and contemplate our blessings. We can lift ourselves and others as well when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude."
~President Thomas S. Monson

This was one of my favorite talks from our prophet. Read or watch it here.

One year and counting

2011-01-27T12:13:00.000-08:00

Today is an exciting day. Elder McClellan has been out on his mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for one whole year today!

It's hard to believe that for an entire year he's been in Argentina, devoting all his time to personal scripture study, service, and bringing souls unto Christ. That takes a lot of faith.

Like the rest of my family, I'm really happy and blessed to have him out, but none of us can help but count down. Just one more year to go!

"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."
-Helaman 5:12

Real-life Amy Farrah Fowler

2011-01-20T00:41:00.000-08:00

Meet Amy Farrah Fowler from The Big Bang Theory. (You may also know her as Blossom.)

In the show she talks and acts like a robot. Her vocabulary is ridiculous, and she is condescending to anyone who is not as smart as she is, and really that's only Sheldon. So pretty much she has no friends. She also goes by Amy Farrah Fowler. No more, no less.

The girl I met today was actually really nice and I'm sure she has friends. But she looks JUST like her. Short brown hair, glasses and all. And today in one of my many English classes while we were supposed to be having a small break-out group discussion we had this conversation (I don't remember her name, so we'll call her AFF):

GIRL #1: Okay, I'll be honest. I still don't have my book and I haven't done the reading.
AFF: Well I always stay three days ahead in the reading. So I can bring my book on Friday if you want.
ME (has a book but still didn't do the reading, and has been staring at the floor in an attempt to appear to be listening, perking up at the first sign of the blatant over-achieving): What?
AFF: What?
ME: Did you say three days?
AFF: Yeah. I have this fear that I'm going to fall so far behind in school that I just stay three days ahead at all times.
ME (feeling like the slackiest slacker there is for half a second and then letting that feeling pass): Wow. Way to...be.
GIRL #1: Yeah, that's totally impressive.

I'll say.
No judgment here, Mini-Amy. You go, girl.

Watch Amy Farrah Fowler in action: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lpY0Kt4bn8&feature=related

And just for fun: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an incline plane wrapped helicly around an axis?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5V0QY1d904&feature=related

The kind of idea that just won't leave

2011-01-14T22:08:00.000-08:00

So I was on facebook.
Honestly, Sam, how many times do you start a sentence that way?
A LOT.

Anyway. I was on facebook today and I saw this:
Whaaaaa?

See, this was interesting to me because here's what my bucket list currently looks like:Except that my handwriting is worse.
The most exciting thing about this year? I will be finished with school in August and then be on my merry way back down to Texas.
Now, I've considered grad school before, but the thought always ends in, "PSCH. Grad school. Got enough school, thanks." And then I continue watching TV obsessively, or whatever else it is that I do.
But yesterday I had a friend teasing me about how I was going to be in Provo forever because of all the school I couldn't stop attending. All I heard is, "your soul is going to be slowly sucked from your body until you're nothing but a BYU vegetable speaking in acronyms only." (YSIGTBSSFYBUYNBABYUVSIAO).
So I did what any normal, Provo-permanence-fearing person would do. Get on BYU's website and see what grad programs they have.
And they have a program for creative writing.
It's ACTUALLY called Creative Writing MFA.

Not too long ago I was grieving over my lack of creative writing courses at BYU. I've had some classes, and I'm an English major, dangit, but I haven't really been able to develop my fiction writing ability. I'm pretty good at it, but I always planned to become an expert by the time I graduated college.
And as much as reading literature until my eyes bleed helps, I'm not at the point I want to be in order to start pursuing a career as a young adult fiction writer.
But guess what? They have an entire grad program for that. Well, not strictly fiction, but all kinds.

Good news: The deadline to apply is tomorrow. So I'd have to take a year off school anyway.
I could spend a year in Texas and then come back. Maybe even with my little brother.

Grad school, eh? Got plenty of school. But I suppose I could use a little more....

Speaking of school, I wanted to share another one of my pictures of the things we wish we could do/say but can't/won't (you should be able to click and zoom):

Happy Time

2011-01-07T23:44:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I feel bad for my rant already.
So I want you to enjoy a really beautiful song and a really cool music video.

Get me my soapbox!

2011-01-07T21:25:00.001-08:00

Uh oh, you're thinking. Sam's got another rant coming.
It's a short one. Humor me?

[Disclaimer: The rage in the following post is HUGELY exaggerated for comedic effect. No need to rush to my apartment and restrain me. I'm actually quite calm.]

I have a lot of pet peeves. Those who know me well are like, "Uh, yeah. Shorter list: what DOESN'T bother Sam?" If you've never heard me start a sentence with, "You know what bothers me?" then we've never had a conversation.

But there is one that doesn't just make my eye twitch. It literally makes my hands curl in fists. Sometimes unintentionally. So if you see my hand acting strange while you're talking to me, you're probably committing the ULTIMATE CRIME! Well not ultimate, but you know.

And that is: HATING ON OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINIONS AND THEN ATTEMPTING TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS.

I will give you an example.

"What, Sam? Your favorite color is RED? Don't you know that the color red is uglier than BROWN? How can this be?! BLUE IS SO MUCH PRETTIER!!!!!"

And then their head bursts into flames. And they actually stand there and try to convince you NOT to like red. Wtf? (That means "why the face")

Woah. Back up. Did I try to get you to like red too? Did I say that all people who hate red are stupid? Did I say it was the superior color? No, I said I liked it. And I didn't expect anything else from you than for you to know the answer to the question, "What's your favorite color?" Guess who never asked you to forsake blue for red? Me.

Okay, so that situation never actually happened. Which you probably gathered.

But next time someone says they like a color that you can't stand, you shrug your shoulders and say, "Meh. It's not really my taste." And nothing more. Because guess what? People aren't going to like red ANY LESS no matter how much you hate it.

Now, for the other side.

If someone (God bless them) DOES shrug their shoulders and says they don't really like red, you don't need to go all head-bursting-into-flames either. BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BLUE!

And yes, this blog was sparked by recent personal experiences!

And yes, if I wanna go crazy over Jimmer Fredette and the entire basketball team, then let me! Because guess who is NOT trying to shove the BYU Men's Basketball team down your throat? ME!

You wanna hate 'em? GOOD! I'll let you! JUST LET ME HAVE MY BASKETBALL!

The Final Tally

2011-01-05T22:11:00.001-08:00

Didn't think I'd keep up with it, did ya?

Okay, so you have no idea what I'm talking about.

New Years 2010 I was at a dance. A girl I'd just met and had talked to for a total of five seconds told me, "Oh, wow. You're very tall and skinny."

No crap, Girl Whose Name I Can't Even Remember.

Now I'm not one for resolutions, but I decided not too many days later that I was going to keep a tally during the entire year of 2010 of how many times people told me I was tall. Later that day someone commented on how my name was spelled. Since that also happens often, I decided to go ahead and keep a tally of that too. So this has been on my wall for the past year:

The final tally: Tall 41, Name 112.

ONE HUNDRED AND TWELVE.

Okay, I'll admit it. People don't tell me I'm tall as much as I thought they did.

HA, SAM, HA! I know that's what you're thinking. Because I post about this annoying topic ALL THE TIME.

But 41 is almost once a week. And 112 is about twice a week.

Granted, I wear a nametag at work, so the number would have been significantly less had I been without one all year.

I promise this will be my last tall rant for a while. Unless I find a REALLY good story :) But I had to report my findings!

Six to Eight Black Men

2010-12-07T22:01:00.000-08:00

In the spirit of Christmas, you really need to make time for this reading by David Sedaris. Someone on youtube added his voice to some pictures and video, and it's quite entertaining. Enjoy =)

Sneak peak

2010-12-06T10:32:00.001-08:00

I have this really fun blog that I'm working on, but it involves illustrations so it's taking FOREVER. But I wanted to share one of my pictures. This blog is about things we wish we could do/say but can't/won't. This one will be especially significant to those who are familiar with BYU's campus:

Oh, the disappointment.

2010-12-01T14:47:00.001-08:00

No, Google, that is NOT what I mean! Sigh. Et tu, Brute?

Google Game (Stolen from Beth's blog)

2010-11-24T13:29:00.000-08:00

Yep, it's another blog because I have TIME!

Rules: Search Google Images to match your answers only use images from first 2 pages of your search.

Age:

Fun Place I've Been To: London
Somewhere I want to go: Germany

One of my favorite places: Magnolia, TX (That's my neighborhood)Favorite object:
Favorite Food:
Favorite Animal:
Favorite Color:
Birthplace: Salisbury, Maryland Current place of residence:
Past Love:Best Friend: (I don't know; it came up when I typed in Kristen Fletcher)First Name:

Nickname:

First Job:

What I'm doing right now:

Curiouser and curiouser

2010-11-23T12:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I'm in my checkstand staring at nothing or I'm in class too tired to pay attention, my mind wanders off in stupid directions. Here are some of my insignificant musings:

1. Why is the word "demon" in demonstrate? The root must mean SOMETHING, right? Did this word used to have something to do with someone doing something evil? And what about demonstrative? If you pronounce that correctly it sounds like you're almost saying "monster." So that's double the fun.

2. We have a common phrase in English that sometimes bothers me. "It is raining." What's raining? The sky? The weather? If you had to replace "it" with the proper antecedent, what would that be? Same thing with "shove it." Shove what WHERE?

3. I've actually thought this to myself before: If a dream is a wish your heart makes, then I'm wishing for some really weird crap.

4. How weird would be if someone dressed up as Santa for Halloween? It seems a little silly to say, "Dude, it's not Christmas; it's Halloween." "Uh, yeah, hence the SANTA COSTUME."

5. Wouldn't it be great to be one of those weirdos who actually LIKES sitting in the very front row of the movie theater? You wouldn't even have to wait in line, you could just take a nap until 11:50 and then show up to Harry Potter with no worries.

6. If Charlie's first name was an M name, her initials would be MNM. Get it. M n' M. Haaaa. And if I marry someone whose last name starts with a D, my initials will be STD.

7. If the ONLY option you have to use emphasis is ALL CAPS, how do you emphasize I?

What if

2010-11-20T18:30:00.000-08:00

You know how pieces of songs play in your head over and over again all day long?
This week it's been SafetySuit's What If.

And if this be our last conversation
If this be the last time we speak for a while
Don't lose hope
And don't let go
'Cause you should know--

Just that part. Over and over again.

Less than a month!

2010-11-18T10:08:00.000-08:00

In less than a month, a few things are gonna go down:

Rancho flipping Grande.

Kali, my puppy.

She loves Randi more now, but I am just as excited to see her as I am the family:

Right after a trip to Rancho Grande, I'm gonna track me down some of this:

And then once I've stuffed myself until I'm sure I won't be able to eat for a week, I'll go home and sleep on this:

Okay, it's not the exact one, but my mattress is the best mattress EVER. It is like a piece of heaven.

Just a little something.

2010-11-04T20:54:00.000-07:00

But as I raved and grew more fierce and wild
At every word,
Me thoughts I heard one calling, Child:
And I replied, My Lord.

-from The Collar
George Herbert, 1633

"You pee your pants right now."

2010-10-23T01:17:00.001-07:00

Oh, I enjoy this website. I encourage you to browse.

The Future of Publishing

2010-10-12T10:11:00.000-07:00

I stole this video from Paige's Blog. It's brilliant! And I share the same opinion. Plus, the British accent makes it ten times better.

With pictures this time.

2010-09-26T01:10:00.000-07:00

I was going to tell about an experience I had today, but I've learned from my new favorite blog, Hyperbole and a Half, that illustrations just make everything better. So I tried it. You'll have to click on them to make them bigger because I can't figure out how to not make it so ridiculously tiny.
You think it's not a big deal, but having your obvious trait pointed out time after time, especially when it's rare among your gender, makes you start to feel insecure about it. You wouldn't do THIS, would you?

Okay, so that's a little extreme.
But seriously, what am I supposed to say? Thank you? Or maybe...your hair is brown?

Birthday Blog!

2010-09-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't love a good excuse to talk about themselves?
Nobody, that's who.
And it's my 21st birthday, and that's special, so I get to ramble on about myself.
So here are 21 things about myself that you may or may not have known.

1. When I'm super stressed, I take a nap. It's the only way to turn off my brain. I've tried watching TV, but then I'm sitting there thinking, "I bet Brooke Davis doesn't have a huge project due."

2. It's very hard for me to study/do homework if my room is not clean. I'm just more productive when I feel like I have a lot of space.

3. I WILL NOT answer the phone if someone is calling me with a number I don't recognize. Calling me over and over again won't really matter, and I won't call them back unless they leave me a message telling me who they are.

4. I don't like early-morning texts. When that stupid buzzing sound wakes me up, I usually throw a pillow at something. It is the most awful feeling to emerge from a dream thinking you have something to do right away. And though I know it is unfair, I am genuinely angry with the person doing the texting.

5. I hate cheese, but I like cheese flavored things, like goldfish or cheesenips. They don't taste like cheese.

6. When you get off the phone with me, you may or may not have agreed to give me money. You think I'm kidding.

7. I live life according to Charlie's schedule. If I reeeeally don't want to do something I won't, but most of the time I just let her drag me along.

8. I have an unexplained fascination with/love for coloring. It's a good stress reliever. Disney Princesses are my favorite thing to color. It's why my bedroom looks like that of a 5-year-old.

9. I have a greater disdain for running than I do for getting my blood drawn (which is a lot).

10. I MUST have Chapstick in my pocket at ALL TIMES. I freak out and turn around if I forget it, and if I don't catch it in time I have to seriously fight the urge to ask the stranger next to me if they have any.

11. In school I am a back-row dweller. I'm not really a fan of piping up all the time. I'm more of an observer of the discussion, if you will.

12. Any song by Nickelback, Sheryl Crow, or Colbie Caillat ANNOYS me to no end. On that same note, I don't think Taylor Swift can sing very well, but there's something about her voice that's endearing so I like her.

13. I don't share milk. I love it too much so I hoard it. Don't try asking for an Oreo or Reese's, either.

14. I have a crazy awesome memory. I'm not kidding. Yes, I'm bragging.

15. 80% of the time I am being facetious.

16. I am ridiculously grateful for the fact that even though I'm tall, I am proportional.

17. My hair has been light brown, dark brown, red, yellow, yellow with orange and brown splotches and white roots (accident), black (accident), and finally, its natural color, sandy blonde.

18. I get bored with furniture. I never plan when I'm going to move my room around; inspiration just hits and then I can't let it go.

19. I put lotion in my eyelashes before I go to sleep so that my waterproof mascara will come off in the shower the next morning. I also usually go to bed with chapstick on.

20. I can't walk to school without my ipod unless someone is walking with me. I just get so bored.

21. I mostly only wear T-shirts and/or long sleeves because anything else makes me feel exceptionally lanky.

Do we share any?

Adisonisms.

2010-09-05T21:30:00.000-07:00

I wanted to collect the funny lines in Adison's letters, and it just seemed like my blog would work just fine. Don't let his cheesiness fool you--he's full of wisdom, and his letters are really uplifting to read. I'm glad he hasn't lost his ridiculous humor though.

(Of course these have been revised, what with all the misspellings and grammatical errors.)

"If that means going to a party then I'd do it. Just not on the mish."

"I am sorry if early in life I was the reason for you feeling down in some way. Your nose is not big; it is perfect size. Now conquer the world, Sam."

"I may wear the badge but everyone takes upon them the name of Christ, am I right?"

"I found that I love to have discussions about the Book of Mormon. So hook a brother up with some love."

"I'm not a hundred percent sure how me and my new companinon are going to get along; he is from Utah."

"Oh flirting--I forget what that is like."

"Don't do drugs, stay in school."

"There is a Disney song called If I Never Knew You or something, and I need to know what movie it is from. Get on it homie and tell me stat. Got all week."

"New co chair? Guess it is better then an old cold chair. haha oh, my humor."

"I hit 7 months today--wow, talk about birds. I mean flying hehe. The time, that is. Man, if only there was a bird that was called time that would be way cool. What was Adam thinking when he named all the animals? How could that not cross his mind?"

"You should tell her to write me if she is a cutie. (Winky face with a little grin but not too big; I'm still a missionary)."

"No matter where I am big mac will always comes up as a nick name. I tell people I'm little mac and big mac is my father."

"There is a guy next to me whistling lady gaga.

Oh, lady gagasinator."

"I realize, Sam, that most of this letter is one sentence but I just don't care."

Do you have Bieber fever?

2010-08-29T22:27:00.001-07:00

Sure, I like to bob my head to his songs, but would I put him in a movie? Uh...sure, I guess.
Would I put him in a movie that I'd like to see? He wouldn't be my first choice.
Now, would I put him in a REMAKE OF BACK TO THE FUTURE?!

NO.
No, no, no, no, NO. I would not!

http://www.examiner.com/tv-in-national/justin-bieber-to-star-back-to-the-future-remake

But there it is. He's being considered. What I don't understand is WHY is the REMAKE of these movies being considered? They were awesome! Stop it, Hollywood!

Also, as a completely random side note, YOUR=possessive pronoun (more specifically, possessive determiner. "yours" is the pronoun). YOU'RE=contraction for YOU ARE.

LEARN IT, WORLD.

Some interesting news

2010-08-26T11:50:00.000-07:00

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=12139168

This happened yesterday right in front of where I work. The truck you see is blocking one of the entrances to the store. And look! The wall where I usually park is on TV!

I didn't get to work until 6 yesterday, so everything was cleared up when I got there. They were still working on the powerlines when I left at 10:20pm. As usual, I miss all the action. But people continued to ask me questions like, "Why do YOU have power?" "When will they be finished out there?" "What time did they get the truck out of there?"

I. Don't. KNOW.

But besides annoying questions, I thought it was pretty cool. (Nobody was hurt so I'm allowed to think it was cool.)

Setback #38 of being an English major

2010-08-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

I know you can't see it, but there are 23 books on there. 23! Some of you may have more than I do, but this is the most I've ever had. And the total isn't looking so good :(

Fall

2010-08-24T21:15:00.001-07:00

I am excited for fall.

Excited for school? No.
Snow and cold weather? NO.

Excited for what, then? I find myself asking.

Well, friends, I am excited for the new seasons of all my TV shows to start. Yep. That's about it. Oh, and my birthday. But let's focus.

When you're fortunate enough to have a Tivo in your apartment, you get to watch a lot of TV. And I do mean a lot. It's not like once you get hooked on another show you can just stop watching another!

So here's a list of shows I'm excited for. Judge me if you wish. Some aren't on yet and I want to try them, and some end soon but still made the list:

Monday:

Tuesday:

Wednesday:

Thursday:

Friday (my two all-time favorites):

No way, Sam! Surely you don't watch all that during a school semester! You'll never get anything done!
I happen to be an expert procrastinator, thank you. And I'm sure I forgot something. So that's even more impressive. Well, quite the opposite of impressive but whatever.

Here are some of my favorite moments of some of them (some of them won't embed, sorry):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYVilmnMFpY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wI-nyGsBENI&feature=related

If nothing else, watch this!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsyMtYoSkC0&feature=related

Amen, Sistah.

2010-07-27T20:40:00.001-07:00

If I agree, what horrors wait for me in this, the Phantom's Opera

2010-07-27T00:04:00.000-07:00

Excuse me, horrors?

<--Exhibit A

Yeah. I didn't think so.

But let us back up a little bit. I LOVE Phantom of the Opera. I give this credit to Breanna, with whom I watched the movie first a long time ago. And, of course, I fell in love with it right away, and it was on the top of my list of shows to see whilst I was in London.

<--Which I did :)

But I have a secret.

Umm...who else secretly casts a tiny vote for the Phantom every once in a while?
Or...maybe a little more than every once in a while?

Oh, come on, people, you know we're all thinking it!

Creepy? Nah, he's mysterious. Madame Giry even praises him as a composer, magician, genius--hello.

<--Did I mention he looks like this?

What's Raoul got? A fancy sword and a girly haircut, that's what.

If I were Christine, half the movie I'd be like, "I'ma be down in the darkness of the night with the Opera Ghost, if you know what I mean."

[Insert Friends quote: "We always know what you mean, Joey."]

Sure, yeah, he's killed before. So he's willing to kill for his woman.

What does Raoul do when he thinks someone's going after his woman?

Makes this face during Point of No Return. "What? Sleeping bud burst into bloom? Is she singing what I think she's singing?!"

Meanwhile, Phantom's face says, "Well, in answer to your question, Christine, 'how long should we to wait' really isn't an issue for me. Say the word and this stage is gone. No, seriously, we can plunge straight to my lair from this bridge."

Yeah, and maybe posing as her dead father and then trying to seduce her is going a little overboard. (But um, magician=genius, remember.)

Though, I gotta tell ya, every time I watch the movie I get frustrated with her.
Seriously, you think that's your dead father/angel of music/guardian creep-I-mean-mysterious man?

Or my favorite: "Angel of Music, you deceived me. I gave you my mind blindly."

Raoul, whilst tied to a gate with perfectly wet child hair rolls his eyes and thinks, "Seriously? We've been telling you this the whole movie. But you've been my only prospect since childhood, so...shall we?"

I'm not a fan of when she decides the Phantom is a bad guy, and then he does his little trick with her father's grave (magician!) and she's convinced all over again. Dead father angel man trumps magic, I guess. Meh, the heart wants what it wants.

Enough typing! Let's add another picture.

Ah. Now I feel better.

Plus, you'd think she'd be a little more flattered.
"You mean the guy behind this whole operation, the hot, tall one who runs this place no matter who they try to put in charge, is into me?"
"Yes, that's correct."
"...where is the nearest two-way mirror?"

Although, I do NOT like when the Phantom starts singing All I Ask of You. Even I'm like, ohhhh no you didn't. NOT your song. By the way, keep the mask on.

NOT THAT LOOKS MATTER, AND THEY APPARENTLY DO TO CHRISTINE.

It's late, and I've been studying for hours, and I'm apparently cured of my writer's block (hence the absence of June blogs and this overflow of bloggyness), so I'm going to stop rambling now and go to sleep. But this is fun. I look forward to my next movie review.

Keep it POS-I-TIVE

2010-07-26T11:15:00.000-07:00

I got a new computer monitor. Fret not, friends.

I uploaded a bunch of cool music (half of Jannette's CDs) onto my iTunes, so I'm happy. I'm especially happy about the intrumental Disney Fairy Tale Weddings songs. No lie.

We have like three weeks of school left. That includes finals. BOOYAH.

Okay, the 31 hours is a GOOD thing. Though it won't feel like it until the end of the week.

My good friend Beth read my novel TWICE in a short amount of time so that she could edit it and give it back to me to work on. It's got sticky notes and everything, and they are super helpful! Is she awesome or WHAT? THANK YOU SO MUCH, BETH!

PSCH. I told you I could do this positive thing.

I'm in such a good mood right now, I'll even praise some customers. Watch and be amazed.

1. I like when customers make it easier for me to give them their change. Even if their total is $11.26, getting a PENNY with whatever bill they give me makes life easier. Bonus points if you give me the full 26, or even $1.26. I commend you for going the extra mile.

2. When customers don't want multiples of large items in bags, they keep them in their cart. It's so easy!

3. USEFUL information tellers. Like, say, the bathroom is overflowing into the aisle or the lady over on the makeup aisle is stealing.

4. Men who keep the 50 lb bag of dog food on their shoulder and let me type in the number.

5. People who tell me to keep the pennies! Believe it or not, this helps a LOT when people don't have those extra pennies later.

6. People who put their bags in their cart as I'm bagging. I set bags down, they take it and keep my counter clear, PLUS, everything is put away by the time I give them their receipt. Everybody wins.

What? I didn't say I had a LONG list.
Just kidding. I'm sure there is more, but this was a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing. Plus it's not as fun.
Kidding again!
Maybe.

Summahhhh

2010-07-25T18:23:00.001-07:00

322 teacher: "Hello, Mrs. 325. What do you have going on this week?"
325 teacher: "Why, Mrs. 322, I thought maybe I'd have a draft of a research paper due. What about you?"
322 teacher: "Two-part exam, Wednesday and Friday."
*evil cackle*

Boss: "I've got 31 hours if anybody wants 'em."
Me, the idiot: OOO Pick me, pick me!!

And SCENE.

Great job, DELL. TOP NOTCH!

2010-07-24T01:52:00.000-07:00

Dear computer monitor,

Thank you for nothing, you useless piece of junk.
Sometimes I want to give up on life too, ya know? BUT I NEVER DO IT!
What am I supposed to do with a perfectly functioning computer, but no MONITOR to go with it? HUH? Now I am stuck on Charlie's laptop!
And for the record, I've always wanted to throw you through a window. Ever since I saw Kristen's mega-awesomely large computer screen that one time at her house. SO THERE.
Traitor.
Now you have no friends. Ha.

Sam

P.S. You can stop pathetically flickering your little green light, btw. WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE NOT COMING BACK ON!

Well, hello again, Blog.

2010-07-15T13:20:00.000-07:00

Remember how I'm a checker in a grocery store?

Yes, it's one of those blogs. And also one of these.

But it's a little different this time. Instead of exploring the things that happen because customers forget to have a brain sometimes (and sometimes we forgive you), let's take a look at the times customer's are actually applying themselves. The times customers put in a little bit of effort to do their part to make the check-out process run a little more smoothly.

The times customers are trying to help...but actually end up making everything worse.

Like I said, it's one of those blogs.

What? My June blogging was nonexistent, and I had to come back with something that is entertaining. And yeah, maybe it's only entertaining to me, but I've got to vent SOMEWHERE.

1. "I have 15 of those." If you've got multiples of something heavy in your cart (e.g. milk, 2-liter bottles of Coke, a gazillion bottles of Gatorade etc.), then, no, you do not need to put them on the belt. In fact, if you don't want them in bags, I'd prefer it if you just left 'em in there. At first it might seem like you're being helpful when you say, "I just didn't want you to have to ring them all up individually." But then, when you push your cart up and expect all of those things in your cart to be in bags, look closely--we checkers are experts on hiding our disdain for all things stupid customer, but even I can't suppress my grimace when I end up hauling everything YOU were supposed to get of your cart up to my check-stand, into the bags, and then back into your cart. If you want your stuff bagged, put it on the belt. If you don't, then don't. Simple? Yes. Yes, it is.

2. "You need dimes and nickels, right?" Ask any checker anywhere--when they hear this, they may or may not wish to grab you by the back of the neck and slam their knee into your stomach. No. No, we do not need your change. We do not want your change. We hate your change. Your change is poison. If we need more change we go get some in nice, clean, pre-counted rolls. If we are both standing at my check-stand for twenty minutes while you and then I count every nickel you've ever found in your house, there is a good chance that I will give you all 4 pennies back instead of rounding up to 5 like I was going to do. (Yes, that's how I get back at you.)

3. "I'm going to use my debit." Okay, with this one, I don't actually mind it if people tell me this if they had two items that I've already bagged and I'm staring right at them as they get ready to pay, even though I've got one--count it, one--button that I push no matter what kind of card you pull out. I just say, "Okay, that's cool." It's only annoying when you've got a fairly large order, which I've told you the total for already, and I'm bagging for a good two minutes, just to turn around and see you standing there with your card in position, ready to swipe, and you tell me, "I'm going to use my debit." I've fought the urge many times in the past to ask, "What have you been doing? You heard me tell you the total, right?" I just don't feel like I should have to say, "Alright, you pay, I'll bag--how's that?" Once the total's been said, it's alllll you, baby. Take it away. Please. Other customers are waiting.

4. Do not straighten or touch or move or mess with or rearrange anything you've already put on the belt. I don't actually need to see or know where the bar code is--you kinda get a feel for it when you've been a checker for a while. You don't need to move anything closer together as the belt slowly moves forward. You don't need to shove the gum in my hand as I'm reaching for another item, because I WILL get to it. You also don't need to make sure the cans are neatly stacked. You DO need to make sure our hands don't bump awkwardly, or that my checker speed doesn't slow down when I go to reach for something and you're still arranging it, so I have to wait. Yes, I've been tempted to smack your hand away. Just don't touch it! You're not helping!

5. "I decided against this frozen/cold _____. Do you want me to take it back?"
Sighhhhhhhhh.
You take it, other customers wait (and chances are they wait even longer when you see something else on the way back that you wanted). I take it, I'm stuck with it melting on my check-stand until I can take it back. Ugghhhhh just leave it. Just leave it right there in the gum. Or in the magazines. I don't even care anymore. (Do not really leave it in the gum!)
You didn't happen to pass a freezer on your way over here to tell me you didn't want it, did you? Any freezer? Any at all?

6. "Hey, there's a car out there with its lights on."
"Is it a black 1997 Volkswagen Jetta with an ugly paint job, Utah plates, and Texas bumper sticker?"
"Uh, no, but--"
"Well, okay then."

7. "Excuse me, do you work here? I found this pineapple over in the Pepsi."
"Aw, congratulations!"

8. "No, sir, really, I'm stronger than I look, and I actually could just type in the code or something if you don't want to lift the--"
*beepbeep* *beepbeep*
"Oh, did I scan it twice?"
YA THINK?

9. If you have go-green bags, it actually works better when I set it on my check-stand and THEN bag the groceries. When you hold it open for me everything falls to the middle and I can't fit as much in there.

10. "Oh, you know what, I don't actually need these bags."
*takes the time to take everything out of the bags*
"So you can just reuse them if you want."
Yeah, well, they're too difficult to deal with when they're loose. A simple "don't worry about bagging my stuff" would have been pleasing to all.

11. If I am peering down at the sticker of an apple, don't say, "those are pink lady apples."
Okay. You wouldn't happen to know the CODE, would you?

A more positive post to come. Though I had fun. And I know I've got a couple grocery store friends nodding along :)

This week....

2010-05-29T00:57:00.000-07:00

-The electricity went out....
...while I was in the shower.

-My car was stolen....
...by my own father (no hard feelings).

-My best friend saw snow...
...whilst in Utah with me.

-I made a brand-new banner for my blog...
...in Paint. It took FOREVER.

-I had lunch...
...with my Grandparents who live in California.

Interesting week indeed. Seriously, though, how awesome is my banner?

3 Blog Marathon? I think so, my small gathering of followers.

2010-05-14T01:28:00.000-07:00

Positive*

A "beautiful service" can wash away the dead.
The tears and ache are funneled into a glass jar
With a pretty pink ribbon; it sits on a shelf
Between a box of betrayal and a flask of fear.

The shelf is decorated with tassels and bows
Of at-least's, after all's, and other positives--
The trimmings that renovate the space so nicely,
Nobody thinks the jars are even bothersome.

Let the jars alone ornament the shelf, I think.
Because they exist. And ribbons dissolve nothing.
Does a melancholy smile decrease the damage?
Why pretend? Why lie?

Now, as you ask me what's wrong, and I recall it,
I feel I might die. I beg the ground to swallow me.
To keep tears from bringing that truth
To keep you from laughing
Or calling me a coward
Deeming me a whiner, I--

I clutch my ribbon, tie it around a jar of his lies.
At least, I say, he had tried to be nice about it.

picture

*No, this is not autobiographical :)

Words of Wisdom

2010-05-14T01:16:00.000-07:00

Sam, be like Nephi. Don't give place for those stupid, less-than-accurate thoughts, because they couldn't be further from the truth. You are a daughter of God. Read Moses when he says, "Satan, where is thy glory that I should worship thee?" He is nothing; remember that. And when those thoughts come remind him who you are and what you have that he doesn't. Then we will see who feels inadequate.

~Elder McClellan

Randi: Adison, I don't believe you are sick.
Adison: Me neither. I am surprised that I got sick. My immune system is made of steel.
Randi: That was supposed to be an insult, not a compliment.
Adison: I took it as a compliment.

The Lovely Bones

2010-05-14T00:37:00.000-07:00

My name was Salmon, like the fish; first name, Susie. I was fourteen when I was murdered on December 6, 1973.

I finally saw The Lovely Bones movie. I read the book a couple summers ago, when I was still working at Klein's. Every lunch I'd eat my pizza lunchable and read this book for an hour. It was very chilling, but also very moving, and it stuck with me for a really long time. The story is told from dead Susie's point of view as she watches her family from the in-between. She watches her mom become disconnected from her family, her father nearly drives himself crazy trying to find her killer, and she watches as her sister lives the life that she will never have--first kiss, graduating, marriage. I'm not even sure what it was about this novel that grabbed me like it has. It's brutally, in-your-face honest, graphic in parts, disturbing in others, and overall very heartbreaking. It's just one of those gruesomely beautiful stories that makes you think. A lot of WHAT IF questions come to mind. It also helps that the author Alice Sebold does a wonderful job with the writing in this book.

I haven't read the book in a while, but since I watched the movie I was gripped all over again! The actress that plays Susie was so great. She was extremely believable and heartwarming. And I thought the movie, though slightly different from the book, really captured the overall vibe that was in the story. It may have been a little weird (and freaking long), but I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. I recommend it. Especially since it toned down the book a little.

He took the hat from my mouth.
"Tell me you love me," he said.
Gently, I did.
The end came anyway.

Happy Birthday, Mutti!

2010-04-30T08:16:00.000-07:00

Yup, it's another birthday post. I have a decent-sized family, okay?

I know it's a couple days late, Mom, but I'm sure you'll forgive me--unless you don't want me to reveal your age, in which case you might be a little miffed. But then I couldn't list a whopping FIFTY-EIGHT things that I love about you, and that's just more fun. So, Happy 58th Birthday, Mom, and here it goes:

1. Her Charity. I've come to realize it more throughout the years. Seriously, I think the Beatles are constantly playing "All You Need is Love" in her head all day. The good that she sees in some people always surprises me.
2. The way she freaks out when she think she's lost her cell phone. This is about an every day occurance.
3. When she visits me at school she makes me real food, even in the morning before school she insists that she make me some eggs.
4. Her laugh. She likes to stress, so when we make her laugh it makes me feel better.
5. Her unexplanable love for the new Star Trek movie.
6. Her fascination with scriptures. She was the BEST seminary teacher ever. I wish I would have recognized that in high school.
7. The way she has chocolate doughnuts waiting for me every single time I visit home or she visits me.
8. For some reason I am the background of her iphone, and she doesn't know how to change it.
9. The unique relationship she has with my younger brother. I know I joke about being the least favorite child, but I actually do love this.
10. Our joke about me being the least favorite child.
11. She might be 58, but the way she goes and goes you wouldn't think so. Relief Society presedent, real estate agent, and most importantly wife and mother, two things she has NEVER slacked off on, no matter how busy her day.
12. "Leave some for your father."
13. "Leave some for your brother."
14. "I'm just gonna lay down for 20 minutes"
15. "Can I just sit for a second first?"
16. "Your mom." "No, YOUR mom!"
17. I only like singing in Choir because I like singing Alto with her.
18. The way she loves that new car she's got.
19. She would sacrifice anything, and I mean anything, to make her husband and children happy.
20. She'll give you an awesome Gospel-related talk when you're feeling down.
21. "Mom, look at the road, please." "I've been doing this for years, and I STILL haven't gotten in an accident."
22. Her handwriting. It's weird. And I have no idea why I like it so much.
23. The way she can completely switch moods when she gets on/off the phone.
24. She calls my dog "tinks" or "tinkies." Her name is Kali.
25. This woman makes a meeean meatloaf.
26. Her smile when she puts her arm up to mine in the summer time. Yep, still darker.
27. Her old-fashioned night gowns.
28. The way we fight over the radio. One day when I say, "Mom, trust me, you'll love this song" it will actually be true.
29. When she bobs her head and directs the music to the "good music" that she fell in love with years ago.
30. When she dances.
31. Her hair is different every time I see her.
32. "Don't sit in my spot."
33. My name has become ch-sam, because she usually tries to call me Charlie first.
34. She likes clowns. She is the only person in this world who actually likes clowns.
35. She loves making our favorite foods for us.
36. AND she'll stop her day, no matter what she's doing, to make lunch. Now that's a Mama right there.
37. "Everybody adores my children."
38. She has some great talents, like sewing and framing and crocheting, though she doesn't get to practice them much.
39. She has a Chi, even though her hair is really short. I don't know why I find this so amusing.
40. She's usually in on it when one of us wants to go home and surprise the rest of the family.
41. She loves church and the Gospel. She doesn't take it for granted, like I sometimes do.
42. She puts up with a LOT of crap from a LOT of people, and still pushes through.
43. She loves being a BYU mom.
44. She doesn't like watching movies unless all of us are in the room.
45. As most mom's are, she knows us better than we do--favorite foods, how we'll react, the people we'll get along with. Everything.
46. She's ALWAYS. RIGHT. Even when the advice she gives isn't what we want to hear, we follow it anyway. Because she's never wrong. And it always works.
47. Everytime I hear about some of the terrible things she had to go through a long time ago, I cannot believe it's the same person. She's so happy and optimistic--but she's also experienced and understanding. She could have turned out the opposite.
48. You think YOU love chocolate? PSCH. You don't know the first thing about it.
49. I've become an expert on cleaning because of this woman. She's like a drill sergeant.
50. She lights up when a black and white movie is on TV.
51. She'll bring chocolate syrup to the dinner table just in case anyone needs to make chocolate milk.
52. When we're in church, it doesn't matter how far down the row someone is, if they are talking she will hit the person next to her. And that's usually me.
53. "Have you seen my man?" Yes, Mom, we've seen him.
54. "It's not very good, but it'll wet your whistle."
55. She still calls guys "good-looking"
56. Her favorite movie is Steel Magnolias :) I don't know why I love this so much.
57. She is beautiful and scatterbrained :)
58. No matter how busy her day, she puts family above everything.

Happy Birthday, Mom! I hope you had a great day!

Once Upon A Time in London Town....

2010-04-28T00:47:00.000-07:00

I've seen some of my London buddies begin reminiscing, and I can't help but do the same. When I was in London, exactly a year ago, I didn't have a blog, and I didn't even make a journal out of my London activities. I wrote to my family almost every night about my activities, and I'm pretty sure I saved those, but other than that, that's all I got. BUT I do have ONE journal entry:

June 12th, 2009 Somewhere over the Atlantic (homeward bound)

It only seemed appropriate to write in my journal over the Atlantic Ocean. I'm not sure why; I'm sure writing in a journal on a plane is a very common time-wasting activity. I don't know why I hate journaling so much, since I obviously don't mind writing a lot at one time. Maybe it just seems a little pointless and annoying to me to repeat everything that just happened to me. Probably my future self will either be annoyed or see my point.

So here's what we need to remember:
-I went outside the US for the first time to England/France
-I made 34 new friends. Well...31. Possibly 30.
-I saw over 20 theatre productions:

~All's Well That Ends Well
~Much Ado About Nothing
~As You Like It
~Romeo and Juliet
~The Winter's Tale
~12th Night
~The Comedy of Errors
~Time and the Conways
~War Horse
~Waiting for Godot
~Carousel
~The Cherry Orchard
~Alphabetical Order
~Wicked
~Phantom of the Opera
~Les Miserables
~Sunset BLVD
~Peter Pan
~Lion King
~Hairspray
~Three Days of Rain
~Spring Awakening
~Potentials

I also saw Star Trek and Angels and Demons, but who cares?
-Besides London, I went to Stonehenge/Bath, Brighton (rode a bull and that one awesome ride), London Temple, Stratford-upon-Avon
-I went to plenty of free museums and a couple castles, one at which we spent four hours doing nothing. We also went on a boatride down Avon and went to Oxford where Harry Potter was filmed.
-Went on a country walk--no--hike. Got lost. Climbed every mountain.
-Did NOT go to BuckingHam Palace
-"Can we START this train?"
-"It feels like there's an 80-pound gorilla on my chest"
-"Where's my frog? This is real fish talk--no lie"
-"The day I didn't bring my brick, I see Michelle OBAMA."

Love, Sam

And there you have it. Everything you need to know about my London trip. I will go back there some day. As long as they decide to keep McDonald's there...
I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Kind of.

Summer Movies

2010-04-21T17:32:00.000-07:00

SO. I took my last final today. Ahhh to be finished with this semester. It really wasn't that hard at all, but for some reason it didn't agree with me. So now it's over (though more school is forthcoming...sigh). BUT I'm excited about a few movies coming out!

PRINCE OF PERSIA:
My best friend Kristen and I used to play this game in high school. Actually, SHE would play and I would watch, because I seriously have more fun watching some play as if I was watching a movie. So this is what we did. And now it's a movie with Jake...Gyllenhalllllishmickawaasaaa yeahhhhh I don't know his last name.

THE LAST AIRBENDER:
Once upon a time at Baylor University, Kristen also introduced me to a Nickelodeon series called Avatar: The Last Airbender, which is probably one of my favorite kid shows of all time. And now they're making it into a movie!

IRON MAN 2:
Don't you just love Robert Downey Jr?

BEASTLY:
OHH my gosh, I hate Vanessa Hudgens. But I read this book, and I like to see movies that have been adapted from books I've read. (I'll probably see Eclipse too because of this reason, but it doesn't get to go on my cool blog list!)

I think there's more, but I can't think of them right now. I also want to see The Other Guys, Tron Legacy, something else...I don't know. But I'm excited for summer and for movies!

You know what bothers me?

2010-04-11T23:14:00.000-07:00

Bad writing. Well, that's a lie. I can handle some bad writing, I guess, as long as it's got SOME redeeming qualities (plot, characters, etc). But there are two certain types of bad writing that get under my skin so badly that I cannot forgive them. The first is called Purple Prose.

Let me give you an example from a book that I wouldn't recommend to anyone, because the WRITING, not the PLOT (though that wasn't so great either) was what had me taking breaks from the book:

In my dream the island was so blue and beautiful it dazzled me. I was standing on...I looked around...the roof of a castle! One of those real old-looking castles, made of big blocks of rough stone. The roof was massively cool. Framing it were those stone-sticking-up-things that looked like a giant's teeth.
My gaze kept getting pulled from the gorgeous rooftop garden to the even more awesome view that stretched around the castle.
Holding my breath, I moved to the edge of the roof and looked down and down and down and out at the brilliant blue of the sea. The water was beyond beautiful. It was the color of dreams and laughter and perfect summer skies. As I peered down in the distance I could see graceful villas and a pretty little town.
I inhaled the breeze, smelling salt and oranges. The day was sunny--the sky utterly clear of clouds, but in my dream the brightness of it didn't bother my eyes at all. I love it! At that moment the island was the color of aquamarines, but I could imagine how it would look as dusk approached and the sun no longer ruled the sky. The blue would deepen, darken, and change to sapphire.
...He was behind me. His voice crawled across the skin of my back, up over my shoulders, and wrapped around my body.

You see?! You see what I mean? Were you cringing? Because you should have been! I bolded the parts that bothered me the most. You've probably noticed that an ocean being the "color of laughter" actually made me gag. Is it supposed to sound poetic? Is that what the author was going with there? Because it is not only cheesy, it slaps the reader in the face with how profound it's trying to be. Rule number one for writers: TRUST your reader, and do NOT treat them like a moron! Is "gorgeous" the only way we could have described this? SHOW me, don't TELL me.

The second type I don't really have a name for, though I decided it really could be Purple Prose as well. Except it's on a different level. The author really is trying to convey that they are being profound. It. Drives. Me. Crazy.

Let me show you what I mean. Let's take a hypothetical journal entry:

Normal:
So today at school I learned something new in my Biology class. I've never really thought about how much I really enjoy it; at first I thought it was just a GE, but I've discovered that I've really come to enjoy learning about some of the aspects of Biology that we've gone over in class. I actually don't mind doing homework, because reading from the textbook is very interesting for me. Maybe I'll change my major--English really isn't doing it for me.

Purple Prose-ified.
I've come to a magnificent revelation about Biology. At first this class was just a requirement, a way for school to force me into a class that would fill my mind with an infinite amount of useless information, a class to fill a slot on my ever-impressive graduation plan. But today an idea struck me. It would not go away. It sat there in the back of my mind all through class, like a fairy begging for my attention, like a fly that was buzzing and buzzing until I was forced to acknowledge its presence--I had a passion for this subject. The subject that I've grown to love all along, but I hadn't known it until I was forced to take it. Once the thought had crept its way into my mind, it clouded every judgment, complicated every decision, left my fingers numb and my vision skewered. Now I can't stop at just the usual homework assignments. I crave new information that can only be found in the thin sheets of my textbook. Information that has found its way into my soul, and is beginning to encompass my mind. So much so, that I'm torn between Biology and my current English major. Is Literature where my heart resides? Will I be able to be happy without the organisms that fascinate me so? Could Wordsworth's language possibly compete with Darwin's brilliant mind? As I sit in my English classes, drowning in words, my simple GE haunts me to my very core. But what should I do?

This is NOT GOOD WRITING. First of all, it's longer. And second, nobody is impressed. If I come across this type of writing, I will not read it. I can't. Get off whatever pedestal you've put yourself on and tell me straight up what's going on. The best kind of writing doesn't distract from the story by drawing attention to itself. It's as simple as that.

I have no idea why I had to go on this rant. But I needed to vent and I needed it to be documented (it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to!). So, next time you write, remember that sometimes less is more, readers can tell if you're lying or trying too hard, and that Purple Prose comes from writing to impress. Don't write to impress. Write for yourself. Write to discover something about yourself. Trust me, it's totally rewarding to write something honest.

Happy Writing!

Slam Poetry

2010-04-03T00:25:00.000-07:00

Do you ever work and work and work at your major or something you're good at and seem to lose focus on why you started the thing in the first place? It happens sometimes.
Well, I love writing, but sometimes I'm trying so hard and I want to be better so badly that I think, "WHY am I doing this again?!"
This week my creative writing teacher introduced us to Slam Poetry, and she showed us this video. It reminded me why I want to be a writer.
This video has very mild language and involves a hand gesture with a limited amount of fingers, so if that offends you, you can miss out. But our teacher showed it in a BYU classroom, soooooooo.... youshouldwatchitanyway*cough*

The second video is totally clean and totally funny. Watch them both.

When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your yearrrrrr

2010-03-31T21:35:00.000-07:00

Jannette has all ten seasons of Friends, and we have been watching it in our apartment like mad people. I forgot how much I love this show. And I can't wait to eventually watch them all!

"Check out my bazillion ab muscles"

2010-03-27T23:08:00.001-07:00

Chris showed this to me a long time ago. And I love it:

How Twilight Should Have Ended

The website also has some other great endings to other movies. Some are dumb, but for the most part I approve.

For the love of SLEEP.

2010-03-27T00:47:00.000-07:00

I have been sooo tired lately. I don't know what it is. The semester is ending (12 more German classes to attend, mind you), so I guess I could blame it on that, but this semester really isn't so bad. And it's not like I don't get sleep at night. But I've been trying to take naps, and I think there is some power at work here that just doesn't want me to.

On Wednesday we took our mom back to the airport pretty early, so when I got back I had three hours to sleep before I had to go to class.

An hour into my precious nap, I hear a roaring sound outside my window. There is a dumpster literally just beneath my window, so sometimes I hear the trash truck do its thing and then leave. But it wasn't. Going. Away. So I looked out the window and what did I see? A freaking van parked in front of the dumpster, because the place next to us was getting their carpets cleaned. And the vacuum inside of the van was louder than a hurricane!

Yesterday I didn't have work until five, so I decided to try again. Not even thirty minutes later, a weed-wacker roars to life outside of my window, and stays there for the next hour. Since my bedroom is on the corner of our complex, I have two windows--one that faces the street and one that faces the complex over. Both sides had weeds and bushes (yes, there was a chainsaw), so for the next hour and a half I was greeted with those. The whole fiasco was louder than the vacuum van.

And last but not least, today, after watching many episodes of Friends, I fell asleep on the couch. Surely, I thought, we are finished with the yard work and I will not be able to hear much from this room. Oh, no. I awoke to the sound of girls screaming, and as soon as I opened my eyes I could see them in the street just outside our living room window, flying kites, laughing--one girl screamed, "I'm a missionary," probably in celebration of whatever mission call she's recently received.

As I grumbled my way back to my room I thought, "ONLY IN THIS FREAKING STATE!"

A Little Something to Make You Smile.

2010-03-20T10:23:00.000-07:00

So we always tease my mom about some of the music she listens to (and the music she makes US listen to), but I secretly love this song:

I did this instead of German homework.

2010-03-15T22:27:00.000-07:00

Also, two more friends engaged this week. That I know of.

Dear tall person,
WHERE ARE YOU?!

Der König der Löwen

2010-03-11T13:34:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time (I stole that from Beth--I've never heard it anywhere else at any other time in my life), I received an email from the German department. What am I saying? That happens all the time, because apparently they think I'm interested in the German cultural happenings around campus. Every Wednesday they have a movie in German. Usually I delete the email, but today I recognized the word for "King" and so I got curious about what the other word was. So I read this description:

The film is a Walt Disney production and tells the story of a young lion who loses his father, grows up in exile and gradually develops leadership qualities which make it possible for him to eventually wrest power from a wicked ruler and become the righteous king of the lions. In the process he also finds his future wife.

Can you guess what it is?

I really have no idea why I'm sharing this. I just thought it was funny. MY description would have been somewhere along the lines of: There's this lion with awesome friends and an evil uncle and they all sing awesome songs and then he becomes king. Also the broadway show is EPIC.

So this week I made Christmas Crack. If you've ever had the privilege of meeting my sisters, you know they can cook and bake and scrapbook and do all kinds of awesome things that I can't. So, even though it's pretty much just trail mix, I really wanted to try to make it on my own and be cool like them. And it was a success. I hope my sisters are proud! Rannie's was better I think, but it's still soooooo good.

I gotta go to work now!

The ChangeOVER.

2010-03-06T00:01:00.000-08:00

So, remember when I completely neglected my blog unless there was a major family event?
Yeah, me too.

Well, since it is now 1:03 in the morning and I don't have to work tomorrow (God willing), I have time for a blog. Because I have GREAT news to share.

Once upon a time in 8th grade, I read a book called The Changeover by Margaret Mahy:

....and I didn't get a word of it. Seriously. I don't know what it was, but this book was just too advanced for me. But I did a book report on it anyway, and I remember that I didn't do very well.

Well, sometime about an entire YEAR ago, I remembered this book. I thought, you know, if I were to read that book now, I would probably understand it no problem. And I remember being very interested in it, even if I seriously just didn't understand what was going on.

Here's what I could remember: the book was red (yes, I could remember that), the author was somewhere in the M's, and the title had the word "Change" in it. And I was so sure that it was called the Changeling. So I googled and googled and amazoned and found websites with lists of books that aren't in print anymore. I seriously researched every book called The Changeling known to man. And it didn't help that there are movies titled the same. I seriously even googled the character name Simon, because his was the only name I could remember. I even typed in a plot summary hoping to catch something. But no.

So I gave up. I had even convinced myself that I had imagined the book completely.

Then today a miracle happened.

There is a girl in my creative writing class who is always mentioning books, so my professor told her to print off her book list and bring it to us. And so she did.

And as I was going through her list, checking off the books I'd read too, I came across a book called The Changeover by Margaret Mahy. I spazzed, looked it up on Amazon, spazzed again when I saw the name Simon in the description, and bought a used copy for $1.99. I then sprinted to Jannette's room to tell her the news.

I am SO EXCITED to get this book in the mail. I don't even care if it's the lamest book I've ever read. I MUST READ IT. And I'll actually understand it!

Miracles happen, people. And the girl in my creative writing class will know on Tuesday that she is a MIRACLE WORKER.

Happy Birthday, Vati!

2010-02-26T00:04:00.000-08:00

Today (technically yesterday, but I'M STILL AWAKE) is my Dad's 47th birthday! So here are 47 things that I love about him:

1. His inability to SMILE during pictures ;)
2. The way he purses his lips when he's being funny.
3. The corny jokes that I TRY to roll my eyes at, but I find myself laughing at anyway.
4. His testimony.
5. His four-hour lectures that I pretend to be annoyed with.
6. The way he honors his priesthood. His scriptural knowledge.
7. He cries when he talks about his children, or when we're praying before a goodbye or before we open our Christmas presents.
8. He blames ME, not his bluetooth, for the annoying noise in the background of our phone conversations.
9. His phrases: "Negative." "What's wrong witchu, girl?" and "That's disgusting."
10. The way he stands; arms crossed, feet apart. I do it too.
11. His long hugs.
12. The way he smiles the first time I see him in a long time, and he calls me Baby. I feel like a safe 5-year-old all over again.
13. His attitude about the Gospel--some things just aren't optional.
14. Our shopping trips with him to get Christmas presents for Mom.
15. His singing voice.
16. His toys--aquarium, truck, tool belt.
17. How meticulous he is. I've never met any as meticulous and perfectionist as he is.
18. The attitude that gets me through college: "Just GET IT DONE."
19. His laugh--the one that happens right before prayer, and we've been on our knees for ten minutes already, but no one can calm down long enough. He wheezes :)
20. What movie should we watch? "Transformers?"
21. His amazing carpenter/construction/anything of the like skills. He can build ANYTHING! And he's perfect at it.
22. His burgers :)
23. The way he holds my Mom's hand during sacrament meeting.
24. The way he denies that his hairline is receding.
25. The way he says, "Come on" when he's pushing me to do something.
26. The way he never. lets me. give up. He makes sure I'm not missing opportunities.
27. His discipline. I have wonderful parents.
28. "What time is it gettin to be?"
29. His hilarious, permanent farmer's tan.
30. His crazy PJs that he actually lets Charlie buy for him.
31. When he thinks he's done something cool, he sticks his tongue out and goes "Heh heh heh!"
32. The obvious love he has for his family.
33. His enthusiasm for what his children like to do.
34. His impatience for Mario Bros. "Stop jumping on my head!"
35. His craaazy (and safe) driving.
36. The way he doesn't tell anybody what he's doing until he's parking at Lowe's, and you actually thought you were going to go straight home this time.
37. I love that my dog loves him. And he went with me around my 15th birthday to go get her.
38. The way he's learned from the past, and how he molds that to help our future.
39. I'm his favorite ;)
40. When he sings along to some random 80s song I've never heard before.
41. He has a solution for everything. EVERYTHING.
42. Nothing is unrealistic with him; any dream can be reached. I could be on the track team. Charlie could be playing basketball. I could be a best-selling author. If I think it'll never happen he simply asks, "Why not?" And I don't have an answer. He believes in us.
43. His shoes. He's got like 2 pairs.
44. His CHILI!!!
45. His smile. Especially his proud father smile.
46. The expression he wears when he knows he probably shouldn't have said that :)
47. How proud he makes me. He works, he provides, he loves his family, he loves the Gospel and his Savior, he pushes us, he treats us well, he makes sure we're not missing out on life. And sometimes he doesn't even see it. The role model I've looked up to my whole life.

I love ya, Pops! I hope you had a wonderful day.

Sammie

Sick of the family-related sentimental posts yet?

2010-02-06T15:51:00.000-08:00

Awww :) Look my parents! They are so cute. Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad! (Even though it was on the 4th)
Oh, my parents. What is there to say? They raised me, they taught me everything--my mom gave me my sarcasm, my dad gave me my nose (thanks A LOT, Dad), and I've never doubted how much they love me. Love ya, parentals :)

And he's off!

2010-01-29T12:15:00.001-08:00

I was going to blog sooner. But oh well. Here it is. Wednesday we dropped Adison off at the MTC, which was very surreal. I thought I had prepared myself and then the MTC came into view and I sort of had a little panic attack. Didn't cry though! I teared up a little when he disappeared through the doors, but Weston made us laugh. (Thanks Weston.)
Most of me is so nervous for him, though I know he's just fine. So far though, I'm practically just down the street from him until he goes to Argentina and at night I think, did he have a good day? Is he catching on to everything pretty fast? Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a big worrier--never was...much too lazy for that. But for some reason with him I just want so badly for everything to go PERFECTLY. Though I know he could handle anything.

My advice for him was that he had to eliminate "gay" and other such things from his vocabulary. Or his need to shout "Hey, Bab-Y" at every girl who passes. I also probably should have reminded him that nobody was going to make him sandwiches whenever he wanted them. But he adapts to anything quickly, takes everything in stride, and is as charismatic as they come.

Until next time Elder A-Money, and good luck! Not that you'll need it.

Oh me oh my

2010-01-16T21:46:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know I already posted today, but I HAVE to share my two favorite pictures of all time. The first is of my wonderful dog Kali (whom I have to spend 8 months away from each year), and the second is of me and my brother-in-law, who is definitely one of my favorite people of all time. My sisters are doing a thing called project 365 where they take a picture every day and blog about it, and I've been following along. It's very enjoyable, because one sister is in Texas and the other here with me, so I get to see a picture from Utah and Texas each day. Anyway. Here are my favorites so far!

Oh, the Snuggies.

Randi Stowe

2010-01-16T11:37:00.000-08:00

Being the horrible sister that I am, I realized I've done a post on each of my siblings, but somehow I spaced on Randi's birthday. And I have NO idea why I just realized it about a week ago, when her birthday was on December 8th. Randi, I hope you accept my apology, and I hope this makes up for it.

Randi is the oldest child. The one I look up to for everything, the one who runs through my head when I'm trying to make a decision and I think, "What would Randi do?"

I was sitting in the RB the other day waiting for my class to start, staring down at my empty journal page. As I thought of significant instances in my life, this one came to mind, and this flash nonfiction is what happened. I hope you'll understand from this story why I love her so much. So here goes nothing:

I used to talk to my dog.
Any dog we owned, really. I liked to talk to them like they were people. I loved them, and I felt like they deserved to be talked to. I guess when I talked they knew how much I valued them. Maybe it made me a bit of a freak.
My sister didn't talk to dogs. She didn't talk to a lot of people. Not because she didn't want to, but because that was her demeanor--quiet, observant. She studied, she read, she played piano. She was talented and quiet. Brilliant, but unpopular.
My loud and somewhat annoying personality made me the typical young teenager. I talked not just to dogs, but to people. Lots of people. I shunned some, hated a few, talked the ear off of most. I had plenty of friends.
My sister's friends were few but close and true. With them she would actually laugh and talk, and that was enough for her. Though the popular kids--even in church--talked to each other but never took the chance to get to know her, my sister didn't mind. Maybe sometimes her feelings were hurt, but it never seemed to me that she wanted in that crowd all that much.
And that didn't make any sense to me, the girl who wanted so badly to fit in. How she could be content with just a close few, I didn't know. So when my family and three others--all with children from the "in" crowd--went on a camping trip, I was happy for her that she was playing cards, laughing, getting along with those older, more popular kids that I admired so much, and who included my sister so little.
I was talking to our German shepherd that night in the camper. Telling her in baby-talk that we got to go home soon. When I looked up, one of the boys playing cards with my sister was staring down at me, clearly about to burst into laughter. With red cheeks I stood and went to the camper bed, where I laid down and closed my eyes, eventually pretending to sleep.
My sister's game of cards with the popular kids continued. When speculation came that I was "asleep," the boy who stared at me earlier spoke my name, which piqued my interest, but I didn't stir. He laughed as he recalled the babblings to the dog earlier, making sure the rest of the table laughed along with him. Before he could continue my sister said simply, "Don't make fun of her."
It was why my sister was so brilliantly unpopular.

Why the world doesn't need Miley Cyrus.

2010-01-02T20:27:00.001-08:00

Shorter list: Why DOES the world need Miley Cyrus?

CHRISTMAS CRACK and some good memories of 2009

2010-01-01T15:54:00.000-08:00

Yes, Christmas. Crack. It's like trail mix times ten covered in white chocolate and I am addicted to it. Say CHRISTMAS CRACK really fast with wide eyes and you will know how I am feeling.

Fantastic reality number one: Yesterday, at the singles activity that I was dragged to, I introduced myself to a girl who thought I said something like "Serinia" instead of Symantha. I didn't correct her. Then she told me I was tall and skinny. Honestly.

I think I had a pretty good year. Here are a few things I've done:

1. I was the first in my family to travel out of the country. I spent 6 weeks living in London on a study abroad where I studied Theatre and Shakespeare. I loved Shakespeare before, but in London it was ALL SHAKESPEARE ALL THE TIME. It was every English Major's dream. Maybe, I don't know. I'm sure a lot of people hate Shakespeare, though I have no idea HOW. I saw 23 shows and wonderful historical sites that I see in movies now, and I scream "I've been there!" I also made so many great friends that I'm still in touch with. And now I am fully set on traveling to London on at least part of my honeymoon. Yes, future husband, WE ARE GOING.

2. I also went to, explored, and got lost in Paris. Oh, the memories of those four days. We also went to Disneyland whilst we were there. My mother also watched Taken the day before we went.

3. I finished my first readable draft of my first novel. It still needs a lot of work, but I wrote a book before I was twenty. It's what I'm most proud of. And that includes being High Jump Champion three years in a row and setting a new record. (Though that's a close second.)

4. I'm no longer a teenager. Thank you, 2009, for saving me from those years. *shiver*

5. I decided to Minor in Editing. I thought I was content with my English Major, but now I'm REALLY excited about doing more. I can't wait to learn about the ins and outs of publishing and become polished at something I know I can be really great at.

6. I overcame my fear of needles thanks to my blood-taking-happy doctor. I count this as a huge accomplishment because needles were one of my biggest fears. I'm also overcoming my fear of the dark. haha. No, seriously.

7. I just discovered that my life is boring because I only listed 6 things, and I really only like 2 of them.

This year I want to get in shape and finish my next novel. I'm starting with those two because, let's be honest, I hate every form of working out and writing a novel takes longer than one might think.

I'm going to get more crack before my brother eats it all.

Something weird this way comes.

2009-12-30T13:01:00.000-08:00

I swear something weird happens to me everyday. I mean, I'm sure that happens to everybody. But since my life is so boring (but happy!), I think I notice them a lot when they happen. Usually it's something that goes wrong, like the time the girl in front of me on the time-limited computer was telling someone she got engaged, when I had precisely 2 1/2 minutes to add more money to my dang student card so I could print off the assignment due at the very beginning of my first class. Sometimes it's a good thing though, like the time I got two granola bars out of the vending machine for the price of one. These are things my 150 teacher likes to call "fantastic realities." I think I will start reporting these. Interestingly enough, however, even though I had this blog idea, I don't actually have one to report today.

In other news.

I actually got all A's and B's this semester (YES!) including my ginormous, 6-credit, two-hours-three-days-a-week class called Transatlantic Literary History. Yes, kids, the class is just as fun as it sounds. And I got a dang B, after much loss of sleep and stressed-induced PVCs. Since this class was technically two classes together, TWO B's will appear on my transcript. And I am A-okay with that. Ahem. B-okay? Whatever.

A in German, since he's retiring and doesn't like to grade things. Should I have a C? Maybe. But I got an A, DIDN'T I?

A in my HONORS Writing About Arts & Humanities class. She told me that overall she was very impressed by my abilities, and hopes that I keep writing both academically and creatively. JUST what a future Author/Editor wants to hear from her writing teacher.

Andddd B in religion, since I CANNOT for the LIFE of me seem to get a dang A in any religion classes! I wonder if I'm supposed to take some sort of message from this.

I really wasn't planning on telling everyone my grades on my blog when I started this post, but it kind of ended up that way. Expect fantastic realities in the future!

Also, this picture makes me laugh (call me insensitive if you wish):

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T17:47:00.000-08:00

Oh, Christmas. Somehow I sort of miss Utah, but these are some of the things I've done so far in Texas that I proooobably wouldn't have been able to up at school.

The other day, my mom said she had made grilled cheese, then said, "I only have fishsticks, applesauce, mac and cheese, or stuff for hot dogs to go with that." To which I said, "A FEAST, Mother, THANK YOU!"
My little brother and I argued about who was going to drive.
We went to Cici's (YES!) and heard the girl with a lisp say "Hiii, Welcome to Thi-thi's!"
I slept on the wonderful mattress I had in high school--the one that feels like a cloud and is approx. 30 million times better than the rock I sleep on in college.
I watched TV for about 5 hours straight. FIVE! When was the last time I was able to do that?
We have a chocolate cake in the kitchen that I didn't feel I needed to say my farewells to when I left the kitchen. In fact, there's some still left. And...that's all I'm going to say on THAT.
I go out in short sleeves.
I've had WONDERFUL Tex Mex a few times already, and I plan on having more.
I can play the piano WHENEVER I want!
My best friend and I actually got to spend time together.
I don't think I've had the same thing to eat every night lol. Oh, college.

There are so many more, but I think I've made the point that being home is fabulous. Though sometimes when I have nothing to do I think of how I'm always busy in Utah and sometimes that's not so boring haha. But anyway. For Christmas I got the shoes I wanted and my awesome new coat and some books. But anyway...I like being home!

I'm finally home!

2009-12-16T20:22:00.001-08:00

So I still have one online final, but for the most part I am HOME and FINISHED with this semester and anxiously awaiting my final grades. Now I can relax and enjoy Christmas--family, love, laughter, and the Savior. What could be better?

And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling--how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes, or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled til his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more?

TWO WEEKS.

2009-12-02T13:12:00.000-08:00

A part of me died today.

2009-12-01T17:50:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard of mylifeisaverage.com? It always makes me smile.

Now check this out. It makes me want to throw a tween off the SWKT.

Excuse me while I gag.

I am training to be a ninja...

2009-11-22T14:55:00.000-08:00

...in my sleep. Here's what happened.

It all started a couple of days ago, when the nurse of the apartment (Jannette's lovely sister Jennifer) noticed that my nail beds were a little blue. Considering my "heart condition" of late, it concerned her that my circulation might be having issues. I told her that I actually have been feeling my premature ventricular contractions (PVCs) more lately, since I've stopped exercising...pretty much completely. She felt my fingertips, which were freezing, and I told her that my hands were always cold. What does this have to do with ninjas you ask? I'll tell you. She told me to wear mittens to bed and see if my nails were still blue in the morning.

So, at some odd hour in the night, I woke up to find myself tugging on the bottom of the superman poster that I have proudly hung above my bed.

The funny thing is that in my half-sleep delirium, I did not find this abnormal. In fact, I found it irritating that the top of the poster was still hanging on for dear life at the top corners, so I yanked it until the sticky stuff gave way, threw the poster onto the floor, and immediately fell back into the dream world.

What. The. Crap. Yeah, that's what I'm asking myself too.

At first I thought I had dreamed it. But then I woke up, saw the poster on the floor, and was irritated at myself for doing such an outrageous act, because I can't tell you how annoying it is to get that stupid thing back up there!!

Also, I had GINORMOUS mittens on. HOW did I even get my hand under the poster without ripping it? I had no reason to take it off the wall! Man I wish I had a video camera.

Anyway.

In less abnormal news, I got my first rejection letter this week! For my Writing About Art & Humanities class, we had to write a children's article and send it away to a magazine. I wrote about my experience with the Eiffel Tower with some fun facts thrown in (did you know it was only supposed to be temporary? And that it is painted dark brown every 7 years? Or that there are 2.5 million rivets holding it together?) and I was very proud of it! For those who I complained to, this was the assignment I was having MAJOR writer's block for. But my teacher loved it so much she gave me full credit, asked for a copy, told me she really wanted to see it published, and wrote "personal, informative, and cohesive--fine work" on the back. Unfortunately, the editors checked the box on the rejection letter that says "we like information that goes beyond the encyclopedia." And that's cool. I was just excited that I got a REAL rejection letter. I feel like I'm actually on that long road to being a published author!

Ahhh I can hear Christmas music. And we're putting up our tree this week. I am SO ready for Randi's Thanksgiving meal, but let's get this Christmas season started, shall we?

Also, ignore the new template. I hate it too. I just need to find a new one.

Glee!

2009-11-05T23:08:00.001-08:00

I realize I am posting like a madwoman. But I must share my new obsession!

I love this show. It's WEIRD and FUNNY and it has GREAT songs. And it hasn't been on for the past two weeks. Baseball's cool, I guess, but I love this show more!

That is all.

Also. In honor of the Glee Club and it's message to be who you are and not care what others think (nice segue, eh? I really wanted to connect the two), I feel like I should mention something. I may not be the most peppy, positive person you've ever met, but I'm kind, and I'm caring, and I'm more than just "sarcasm and a gun." Okay, I don't own a gun, but the line from Miss Congeniality just fit so nicely. All I'm saying to the world/nine people that read my blog is that I'm a flipping nice person! So there!

I leave you with a Glee quote from Sue:
"I'll need to see that set list for Sectionals after all, and I want it on my desk, warm from the laminator at 5 p.m. And if it is one minute late, I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat, and then, on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face."

The most annoying thing in the world.

2009-11-05T07:48:00.000-08:00

"Woooww! You're tall!"

No. CRAP.

It seems I could go on forever.

2009-11-04T11:11:00.000-08:00

I have more from before.

My last customer complaint blog was just too much fun to not do again. Let's just jump right back into, shall we?

19. Cell phones. Some may try to defend us and say it's rude to speak on a cell phone because you should talk/pay attention to the cashier. No such thing. You don't have to talk to me. In fact, I would prefer if you didn't interrupt your phone call so you can shout things at me between two conversations you're trying to have. This is what we hate about cell phones: when you do that one-armed, one-item-at-a-time-on-the-belt thing. It takes twice as long when you're not focusing and using two hands. You wanna talk on your cell phone? Get a bluetooth.

20. Hiding things in the shelves. Look, I understand you don't want to go all the way back to aisle 3 million and put that tiny bottle of baby food away. Throw it where you want. But if you've got milk, cheese, meet, frozen juice, etc., don't throw it behind the dang pop tarts! (True story.) There are plenty of cold places to put your cold things, so try to put a little effort into getting rid of that item. Decided against the hot dogs? Fine. The ice cream freezer is right behind you.

21. We've discussed when my light is on, but I feel the need to address when my light is OFF, and sometimes even when my chain is UP. Just because I'm there doesn't mean I'm open for new customers. I'm trying to get the last person through so I can GET. That chain didn't fall there in that "closed" position on accident, so don't touch it! I realize sometimes the chain isn't up, so if you're confused, remember this simple rule: If the light is on, I'm open; if it's off, I'm closed. Go figure.

22. Paying with Cash. You'd be surprised how problematic this can be for some people. Don't throw it at me. If my hand is out, put the money in it. If your bills are crumpled, straighten them out so I don't have to spend a good thirty seconds trying to shove them neatly into my drawer. If the belt is moving, DON'T, for the love of all that is holy, put your money on the belt. Did you see my hand? My scanner? The little thing in front of you that you write checks on? The floor? The counter behind me? ANYWHERE but on that moving black thing that will SUCK UP YOUR MONEY?!

23. If I'm jogging somewhere, I am probably doing something important. Somewhere there is a customer waiting for me because they need a price check, or a different item, or we're super busy and I need to go check. If I am jogging past you, please don't yell, "Excuse me, Ma'am! I'm looking through all these soups and I can't find 'Mexican-style chicken torilla' anywhere. Will you help me look?"
Did you--did you see me running?
Of course I'll help you look, because it's my job. And of course I'll walk you to where the milk is, because it's my job. But it would be so much appreciated if you ask one of the baggers that are walking around pretending to do something.

24. Bagging. At many grocery stores, including the one I work at, we bag everything for ourselves. So let's try to keep the ridiculous requests to a minimum. I'll double bag it if it's heavy, yes, but everything? You want paper and THEN plastic? Who does that? And please don't wait until I'm finished putting everything in plastic to tell me that you have your own go green bags. And...do you HAVE to stand behind me huffing and puffing as you undo and rearrange everything I just did? I do this for a living, remember? It can't be THAT bad. And while we're on the subject, if you decide you need more bags before you go, don't reach behind me or around me or in front me--I will get them for you!

25. Don't touch me. Not even a simple thank-you pat on the arm. Just don't touch me.

26. GET OUT. . .OF MY SPACE. Just because at our particular grocery store there is nothing to separate you from the cashier, it doesn't mean you can be all up in my business. There is plenty of room, plenty of places to stand, plenty of ARM-LENGTHS-AWAY places to be where you will still be able to hand me your money. You can also see the screen far away from me, so there is no need to stand in MY cashier-only space and squint at the screen. Do you see me LEANING away from you? Yeah, you're in my space, you're freaking me out, and sometimes you smell!

27. Hey! Hey, you with the magazine. Yeah, I've been done with your order for 10 minutes.

28. Try aiming when you push your cart between the checkstands.

29. Don't be a hooligan. Nobody, including the customers, wants you running around, trashing aisles, yelling at each other. What part of "grocery store" shouts, "shenanigans" to you?

30. Lastly (at least for a while), don't tell me the price. The computer does that for me. If the item is not scanning and I begin to type in the number, I PROMISE it will work, just be patient. We only like to type in the price if we absolutely have to. Furthermore, if I've run back to check the price, BELIEVE ME when I tell it to you. I'm not trying to trick you, or get you to pay more money. Why would I do that? It's not like I get paid commission or something. So when you make us both go back there together so that you can "show me I am wrong," I have to fight the urge to hit you when you say, "Oh. Imagine that. You're right."

I have to go get ready for work now. Wish me luck!

Happy Birthday Charlie and Adison!!

2009-10-27T00:00:00.000-07:00

Today is a very special day. I have TWO siblings born on this day! Charlie and Adison!!

As I've already dedicated a blog post to Adison, this one will be about Charlie. But fret not. You can read all about Adison right here.

So. Meet my best friend.
Beautiful, isn't she?
Charleah Nicole McClellan turns 22 today! We are going to party it up like it's 1999. Riiiight after I get home from class. Anyway. I'm lucky to have her in my life. We have a joke that when we were in Heaven and they said, "Okay, time to pick a family," we clung to each other and said, "We have this little group started, if anybody's interested."

I can't even begin to tell you how many laughs we have together. The only time I suffer from side-splitting laughter is when I'm with Charlie. No lie. We have the funnest time ever. Charlie is HILARIOUS. Usually she's the only one who can cheer me up, and that's no easy task sometimes :)

Charlie is gentle. Loving. Kind. She doesn't turn people away in times of need. Lately she's been trying to find time to reach out to people instead of waiting for them to need her. Probably what I love most about her is that I know she'll be there for me, no matter HOW bad things get. Even if I'm being the most stubborn, obstinate, obtuse, immature thing that ever walked the earth, she'll never leave my side. Thank you, Charlie :)

Another thing I admire most about her is that she is a diligent, self-disciplined hard-worker. When this girl wants something, she puts her mind to it and gets it. Did you know she's training for a marathon? Have you seen her do the rubix cube lately?! And it's not just with big things; she studies hard, makes time for callings and FHE and any other responsibly she might have. She's not a procrastinator or a slacker. She works hard for what she gets, and I've always wished I could be as disciplined as she is.

I could probably go on all day about how much I love and admire this girl, but I'll spare you all. Charlie, I love you, I'm so lucky to have you, and I'm so grateful for your example and for your friendship in my life!

"For there is no friend like a sister
In calm or stormy weather;
To cheer one on the tedious way,
To fetch one if one goes astray
To lift one if one totters down,
To strengthen whilst one stands."

~ Christina Rossetti, Goblin Market

The Secrets Behind the Smile

2009-10-16T15:43:00.001-07:00

Throughout the course of my life, I've worked at three different grocery stores, and even though I've had other jobs too, for the most part I've been a cashier since I was 16 years old. I was thinking about the things that bother me about customers, and how funny it is to me that a customer never really knows what I'm thinking. I made a list, which turned into a large journal entry, which turned into a blog post of epic proportions.

As you may have noticed by your frequent visits to the grocery store, cashiers are generally happy, smiley people--at least they're supposed to be. It's part of their job. But have you ever wondered what they're really thinking? What really gets under their skin? Here's a list of what bothers cashiers the most, what they're really thinking when they talk to you, and the kinds of things they say just to make you go away. You're about to get to see a side of cashiers you've never seen before, and hopefully this will give you an idea of what NOT to do as a customer.

Before you read, remember that this was all in good fun, that I'm generally a genuinely happy cashier, and that most of these apply only to the occasional customer. This is meant for a laugh! (And partly for me to vent. It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to.)

1. "I'll let my supervisior know." When a cashier tells you she'll get right on that, chances are she has absolutely no intention of marching straight up to her manager and asking them to order more grape jelly and less strawberry, because, hey, one of our regulars likes that flavor better. She also won't tell them about the dusty cereal box you saw on aisle ten, or the tiny puddle of water you saw out in the parking lot. You really want that puddle to be gone? Pray to make it stop raining.

2. Different departments. If you found a rotten zuccuni in the produce department, try talking to the guy in the apron you see walking around...wait for it...the produce department. If you don't see somebody, asking the checker who to talk to about it is acceptable. HOWEVER. When at the end of the transaction you bring a bag of bad fruit through and hand it to the cashier, she'll most likely set it aside and say, "I'll let my supervisor know." Dealing with rotten produce isn't her job, and frankly, it isn't yours either.

3. Knowledge of Products. Cashiers aren't Pharmacists. They're not doctors, they're not carpenters, expert campers, chefs, artists, etc. They're cashiers. When you bring two kinds of medicine to the checkstand and ask which one is better, don't be surprised when she politely tells you, "I have absolutely no idea." And if you have a question about how long to cook the chicken you're about to buy, she might tell you she's a poor college student eating popcorn and toast for dinner, and therefore has lost her memory of what a chicken even is. You see that big gray surface in front of her that goes "beep" when she slides things across it? That's what she's in charge of, that's what she's gonna stick to, and that's what she knows. If you have a question about giving correct change, then by all means, feel free. That one's in her ball park.

4. The children. Oh, the children. Maybe to you cashiers are robots, but we have ears. We also have to keep our pretty smiles on our faces when your child is in my space with me, pushing buttons, or screaming about bubble gum. And no matter how many times we fake-giggle or say, "Oh, that's fine," we don't want your child to slobber all over the product before you hand it to us. So please: keep the box of tampons out of the kid's mouth until you get in the car, and try not to ruin that cashiers day by making her giggle at the "cute" screaming child.

5. Checking the backroom. We know you're desperate, but if we say something is not in the backroom, believe us. If we've asked a supervisor or even know for ourselves that what you're looking for is gone, no amount of begging us to check again is going to make the product appear. Best case scenario is that the checker will go in the back room, walk around, check the ceiling for the ball she got stuck up in the rafters last week, and then come back out and tell you she's looked everywhere, but WHOOPS! No product.

6. Knowing when to stop. Sometimes you come in with a $20 bill in your pocket. That's your limit, and that's what you have to stay under. Newsflash: two large boxes of cheerios is HALF of what you can spend. So don't bring me eight loaves of bread, seven boxes of cereal, six gallons of milk, and one loofa. You'll only burden the cashier by making her unbag all your items and void and void and void until you're down to 2 loaves of bread, 2 milks, 1 cereal, and, oh darn, scratch the loofa. You'll immediately humiliate yourself by apologizing a gazillion times to the hordes of people piling up behind you (who will be irritated with the CASHIER, not YOU when it's finally their turn). Here's a tip: stop hoping and start counting. Do the math in your head as you go. That way, when the cashier hands you the receipt and says, "Have a Great Day!" She's not really thinking, "I hope you get hit by a bus in the parking-lot!"

7. Cashiers aren't shrinks. When they ask you how you are, they want a short, simple answer. They don't care that the reason you're buying all these dang groceries is because your sister doesn't know how to take care of herself, doesn't make her bed, and DOESN'T MAKE DINNER! Cashiers see a LOT of people in one day, and they'll probably forget your face as soon as you walk out the door. So keep your answers vague and pleasant, and don't tell a life story. Here's what cashiers care about: that you get your items up on the belt in a timely enough manner so that she can check quickly, thus getting you out sooner and keeping her score as high as she can.

8. For the love of all things sane, DO NOT take off when the cashier is almost finished with your large order so you can get that one last item. Finish and then come back through. Other people are in line, and when you FINALLY come back after getting FOUR more items that you forgot and begin to apologize, the cashier will say, "No worries," when really she wants to take that last item and beat you over the head.

9. PAY ATTENTION. Your card isn't going to slide itself. The questions on the keypad aren't going to get answered unless you do something about it, and when you ask a bazillion and a half times what the total is, remember that it's written on the screen in front of you. Personally, when I tell you the total, I really mean, "I'm finished. You can pay now." After that, take a look at that big computer-looking thing. And try not to be intimidated when the keypad asks you if you want cash back. It ain't rocket science; with a touch of a button, that question will disappear. Going through the checkout line is a team effort. If you pay attention and help the cashier help you, we can get the job done.

10. Jokes. The cashier will laugh at any joke you tell her, but please keep them as original as possible. PLEASE don't tell her not to go shopping when she's hungry, or ask her why everyone up front has the same last name of "checker," or ask if "root beer" is allowed in the "no beer" lane. She's heard it before. She hates fake-laughing. She's up for simple conversation, but the same jokes over and over again makes her want to slam her fingers in the till.

11. If the light is on and the cashier is standing in her spot smiling at you, then she is open. If you ask her if she's open when it couldn't be more obvious, a stream of sarcastic comments will run through her mind automatically, and she'll already be annoyed by you. When she smiles and says, "Yes, of course," she really wants to ask, "Is my light on?" or simply say, "No" to throw you into utter confusion.

12. "Do you work here?"
"Oh, that's odd. When I dressed in my exceptionally large apron this morning I didn't realize I'd match every employee in the grocery store. My bad!"

13. Manners, manners, manners. Just because we're there to help you doesn't mean we can be treated like dirt. Don't cut me off and stop when I'm trying to get a heavy cart of frieght to the backroom. Don't ignore me when I ask you a question. Common courtesy still applies to checkers.

14. Cashiers will love you if you know how to put those 1st grade reading skills to use. The grapes are $1.99 PER POUND. The TURKEY dogs are on sale, not the BEEF! Just because there is a nice big orange sign, it doesn't mean that everything on that aisle is the same price! Read the sign; what item is really on sale? What SIZE, what BRAND, how MUCH? All of this information is provided on that sign for you. So when you bring that 12 pack Dr. Pepper to the front when the 2 liter bottles of Coke are on sale, don't be surprised when the cashier has to ring you up full price. And no, we can't make this one exception, because that would be like...well, it would be like giving you a discount on the Dr. Pepper just because the Coke is on sale. Furthermore, read your coupon. When does it expire? How many do you have to have in order to get a discount?

15. Cashiers aren't banks, ATMs, or your grandmother. I am a CASHIER. I might not have 2 tens for your twenty. I might have already opened my roll of quarters, and therefore cannot accommodate you when you hand me that ten dollar bill and beg me to help you out with your laundry. It's not my fault that not everybody has been giving me exact change so that I'll never have to open the quarters.

16. TRY before you ask.
"Where's the ice cream?"
"Uhh...in the frozen section?"

17. Try not to call the cashier by her first name right away. Maybe when you leave it will be okay to say, "Thank you, Symantha." But when you walk up and greet her by the name, you'll freak her out. She forgets sometimes she's got a nametag on, and she doesn't know you. At least when you're leaving you've established enough of a cashier-customer relationship to use her name.

18. Last but certainly not least, the problem is usually your fault. You're the one that picked up the wrong item. You're the one that didn't bring enough money. You're the one who ignored the big red sign that says I can't sell beer. I didn't forget your pin number or force you to go way over the amount you thought you would be spending. Every time you get angry with a cashier over a problem YOU caused, a puppy gets run over by a snowplow. So take responsibility, apologize for your wrongs, and leave us in peace.

Speaking of work...I have today off! WOO!

The Book of Mormon

2009-10-09T22:33:00.000-07:00

After General Conference, I was going to blog about the Book of Mormon, because Holland has a way of making you want to share your testimony with the world. But you should read my sister's blog, because she took the words right out of my mouth: Here's Randi's blog.

I believe the Book of Mormon is true, and nothing can ever make me believe differently. I love this Gospel!

And my parents are in town! WOOO!

Happy 25th Post Day!

2009-10-07T13:12:00.000-07:00

Not that it actually matters, but I just noticed it was the 25th.
In other news I think I have completely gotten over my fear of needles, thanks to my doctor constantly wanting to jab me in the arm. Well...he likes to send me to the lab to have other people jab me in the arm. Tomato, Tomahto, I suppose.
The first time I teared up like a baby. Second time I had to take deep breaths and got jabbed twice because she missed on the first try. Third time I asked her to get it right on the first try. Fourth time the nurse and I talked about the humidity down in Texas.
You get what I'm saying?
Anyway.
Hopefully this is THE last time. Today my arm was still bruised from Friday, so we had to use the other arm. It's attractive, let me tell you.

Also, yesterday I had a fleeting urge to dress up for Halloween, which was extremely odd. For those of you who know me well, don't get excited. Like I said, it was fleeting, and very odd. I will be working that day anyway (though if Beth has her way, I will be wearing a mustache. Thanks, Bethany =) ).

ALSO yesterday I got a new phone. It slides up instead of flips open and it's reeeed. Yesss. I love red. I'm not used to the full keyboard yet, but we'll get there.

What else. Oh yes, my parents might come on Friday, which I'm really exited for. I'm going to try and get them to bring me Mexican food, though I doubt that will actually happen. But you never know.

I REALLY need to write paper 3 of 5 for this week now. Adios! I mean, uh, auf wiedersehen!

Poetry

2009-10-06T00:11:00.000-07:00

I love poetry. I didn't really realize that I liked poetry until I came to college, but now that it's constantly being shoved in my direction I don't just nibble at it, I inhale it. (Did you like my metaphor?) Being an English major is a lot of work, but for some reason when homework is poetry, I can deal. This is my favorite poem right now by Walt Whitman (My favorite is constantly changing):

When I heard the learn’d astronomer;
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;
When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them;
When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;	5
Till rising and gliding out, I wander’d off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars.

Argentina!

2009-10-02T15:12:00.000-07:00

I cannot wipe the smile off my face! Adison finally got his mission call today! Argentina Cordoba spanish-speaking mission. He reports to the Provo MTC in January, which means I get to see him at Christmas! I'm so excited. We were all on the phone in like a six-way conversation, and I seriously had to hold Jannette's hand I was so nervous/excited. YES! I'm so proud! Congratulations, Adison!